Ronnie Diamond: The Case of the Monkey's Uncle
by Bubbahotek
Summary: I do not own Kim Possible, so there. Ronnie Diamond returns to help Kim solve a mystery and to help a very attractive young ninja find her master. It may be 2007 but in Ronnie Diamond's mind it's still 1935.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: The sequel to Ronnie Diamond Private Eye is here at last. This story will be loosley based upon the show Gorilla Fist...very loosley based. For this story to make sense please read Ronnie Diamond Private Eye before this story. I do not own Kim Possible, Chrysler, Lindsey Lohan or any other characters from the Kim Possible Universe.**

**There are many references in the first chapter to a previous story that was going to be based on The Blues Brothers. I just never got around to writing it. So that answers that.**

**I'm also going to try to write the remaining chapters in first person perspective from Ronnie Diamond's point of view. I've never done this before so it should be interesting.**

**Write a review, receive a reply. I hope you enjoy my story.**

**Bubba**

* * *

There was a loud thumping on the trap door that led to Kim Possible's loft bedroom. It was not quite 6:00 in the morning and Kim was in no mood for visitors. She ignored the knocking as she pulled a pillow over her head. It wasn't time for her to get up yet and she wasn't going to budge not for anyone or anything. 

"_Kim, Ron's in the driveway standing on top of dad's car."_

Jim or Tim called to her. She really couldn't tell at this hour of the morning. Kim lifted the pillow off of her head, "Tell him I have another 20 minutes of sleep and then...I'll be there in about an hour or so."

"_I don't think he's going to like that too much. He claims we've kidnapped you and he's laying siege to the house."_

Kim lifted her head off the pillow, "Really? Who does he think he is this time?" She asked almost fearing what the potential answer could be.

There was silence for a moment and then Tim answered, _"I don't know some caveman guy."_

"_You better get down there he's wielding a hockey stick and throwing sticks at the house."_ Jim added.

She groaned as she crawled out of bed and went to the window. She looked outside, _"Overcast day...great...Yep, there he is...Oh no he's spotted me."_ Kim thought as she unlatched her window and opened it.

"RON STOPPABLE WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OFF DAD'S CAR." She yelled to him.

Ron Stoppable a slightly brain damaged former sidekick was crouched on his hunches on top of Mr. Possible's new silver Chrysler 300. He stood erect to his full 5'6 height and held up the hockey stick proudly.

"_Ronga here to save Kimga."_

Kim shook her head, "Naked, why does he have to be naked...Of course he thinks he's a caveman." She said under her breath as she walked to the closet and pulled out a bag of extra clothes that he had left at her house in case of emergency.

She looked at the bag, _"Standing on top of a car and bellowing at the house naked...Yea I'd call this an emergency."_ She thought as she put on her bathrobe and lowered the trap door.

The twins were waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs, "Oh yea, we forgot to tell you..." Tim began.

"...He's naked." Jim finished the thought.

"Thanks for the warning." Kim said as she pushed past the two and headed towards the driveway.

The first thing that Kim noticed was other than Ron's private parts being shriveled up which let her know it was going to be a chilly day, was that Rufus was nowhere to be seen. "Now where is Rufus?" A sudden wave of panic swept over Kim as she reasoned it out and then shuttered at what could have happened to him, _"He thinks he's a caveman...Oh man, he's going to be so upset if he finds out he ate Rufus."_

"RON, GET OFF DAD'S CAR RIGHT NOW." She screamed as she stomped towards him.

Ron thrust the hockey stick victoriously into the air, "Ronga knew they would set Kimga free." He said as he leaped off the roof of the car.

Kim thrust the bag towards him, "Here put on these...skins."

She didn't want to broach the subject but decided she had better, "Uh...Ron..."

"Ronga" He said as he eagerly accepted the bag of clothes.

"Ronga...have you seen..." Kim tried to think what she should call Rufus, "Uh...Rufusga?"

Ron looked at her strangely, he didn't answer as he was busy trying to put his pants on his arms. Kim yanked the pants away from him and handed him a shirt that he promptly put on backwards. Kim sighed, "Ronga was there a small pink animal around you this morning?"

Ron smiled, "The Oracle is wise. He hid under the steel hill while I lay siege to the evil castle."

She turned around and saw Rufus peeking out from behind one of the car tires. Kim smiled, "Come here Rufus."

Rufus ran to her and she picked him up, "You OK?"

"Uh huh" Rufus answered as he watched his pet human try to dress himself.

Jim poked his head out the front door, "Mom says breakfast is ready."

Kim turned, "Jim come here and help Ron get dressed."

"Awwwwwww"

"JIM" Kim hissed behind gritted teeth.

"Alright." The boy said as he walked towards Ron.

Kim held Rufus up to her face, "Ready for breakfast."

Rufus nodded his head and Kim started walking towards the house, "Let's go see what's to eat."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO, EVIL Castle..." Ron said urgently as he tried to pull away from Jim.

"Ron you want to wear underwear or not." Jim said angrily.

He froze and thought the question over very carefully, "Not"

Kim yanked the boxers away from Jim, "Here put on this skirt then and come inside and eat."

"Ronga, no wear underwear he wear skirt." He said happily to Jim.

She shook her head and walked back inside the house. She suddenly felt very tired. She had just spent 3 days and nights on the run with Ron when he thought he was Ronnie Blues.

It was fun at first wearing a suit and trying to put a blues band together to save an orphanage but the ramifications of the 3,000 moving violation tickets they received not to mention having to reimburse the state of Colorado for the full deployment of the National Guard had made it seem less and less likely that she or Ron would ever be able to attend college. Unless they attended college from behind bars.

Kim sat at the kitchen table, put Rufus on the ground and put her chin in her hands as she watched her mother prepare breakfast. Her mother glanced over at her and could see she was feeling kind of down, "Rongo dressed yet?"

"Ronga" Kim corrected, "...and no he's still wrestling with Jim in the driveway."

"Kim I think it's time we sought professional help for Ron..." Mrs. Dr. P. advised patiently.

"NO...Wha...what if they can't do anything for him and want to lock him up? He got hurt on a mission with me...I...I...can mange him..." She said sadly as she looked away from her mother.

Mrs. Dr. P. sighed and hugged her daughter, "Honey you can't keep blaming yourself for what happened to Ron...It was an accident."

Kim allowed the warmth of the embrace to flow through her body but she knew the truth. Ron had gotten hurt on a mission with her and woke up the next morning thinking he was a Private Eye from the 1930's named Ronnie Diamond.

Then just as she was getting used to Ronnie Diamond and even beginning to kind of like him. He changed, he changed into Ronnie Blues and he and Kim had all kinds of fun breaking traffic laws trying to save an orphanage from closing down. She shook her head, _"Now he thinks he's a caveman...Maybe we should get Ron some help."_

"Did you ever get Ronald off of my car and into some clothes?" Mr. Dr. P. asked sternly.

Before Kim could answer the kitchen door was flung open and Ron bounded into the room followed closely by Jim who looked a little worse for wear after helping Ron get dressed.

Jim pointed to the table, "You see! I told you she was safe."

Mrs. Dr. P. handed Ron a plate of pancakes and eggs. Ron took the plate, sat on his haunches in the corner and began eating his food with his fingers. Now he was the center of attention for the whole family.

Mr. Dr. P. eyed him warily, "Uh...Ronald wouldn't you rather eat at the table with the rest of us."

Ron narrowed his eyes and began to growl, "GRRRRRRRR"

"I guess not." Mr. Dr. P. said as he turned away from him.

Jim elbowed Tim in the ribs, "Gross he's eating with his hands...and I know where those fingers have been."

Kim closed her eyes, put her fork down and stood up, "I'm going upstairs to get ready for school." Ron looked up at her. She held out her hand and firmly told him to, "STAY"

Ron nodded and continued to eat.

Mrs. Dr. P. leaned over and whispered into her husband's ear, "What do we do when he gets done?"

Mr. Dr. P. glanced back towards Ron, "Have the boys put a leash on him and take him for a walk around the neighborhood."

**

* * *

**

The twins made Ron wait in the driveway until Kim came downstairs for school. She put her book bag over her shoulder, "Ready for school Ron?"

"Ronga no wanna go to school."

Kim frowned, "Uh...Kimga going to school..."

There was no immediate response from Ron until he reached into his pocket and pulled out Rufus, "We must seek the wisdom of the Oracle." Ron began to shake Rufus violently and when he stopped Rufus's eyes continued to roll around in circles in their sockets.

"Oh mighty Oracle, what should I do? Should I go to school or hunt the prairie for game?"

Rufus still looked dizzy but he gave the answer Kim wanted, "Go to school, go to school."

Ron nodded, "Oracle is indeed wise...I shall go with you to school Kimga."

Kim's smile was forced as she expressed her overwhelming happiness at his decision, "Oh Goodie...Whoaaaaaaaa, RON WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Kim screamed as Ron picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.

Ron started to run, "Ronga carry Kimga to school and make her his mate..."

Kim protested feebly until finally giving up and letting her body go limp, _"Well it beats walking...I guess."_

**

* * *

**

Monique stood outside Middleton High School waiting for her friend Kim Possible so she could trade the latest gossip of the day. She was also happy because she was informed that all charges against Ronnie and Kim Blues band had been dropped so now she was officially ungrounded for life.

"_See I told the band it was cool...They didn't believe me but hey...Whoaaaaaaaa"_ Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sight of Ron running towards the school carrying Kim over his shoulder.

Monique ran out to meet them, "Kim, Kim are you alright?"

Ron quickly sat Kim down. He was sweating and panting heavily, "Kimga very heavy."

Kim pulled back to slap him for calling her heavy but thought better of it. They were after all on school grounds. She turned to Monique, "Yes, I'm alright...Ron is someone new today though."

"Ronga"

Monique smiled queasily, "Uh...Hi Ronga"

Ron's eyes grew large, "CROMMMMMMMM" Then he spat on his hand and tried to rub Monique's cheek.

"Boy, get that nasty ass hand away from me." She said angrily as she slapped the hand away from her face.

Kim stepped between them, "Uh...He thinks he's a caveman."

"Gee, do you think."

"Ronga not caveman...Ronga part of the Saverteam who's ship that flies through space crashed on this planet many generations ago." Ron explained.

Monique nodded her head, "Glad we got that all straightened out."

An evil grin crossed Ron's face, "Me no like Kimga anymore...Me like Momo."

"Ackkkkkkkkk NO YOU DON'T!" Monique tried to protest but it was too late as Ron quickly slung her over his shoulders and carried her screaming and kicking into the school.

Kim sighed, "It is going to be one of those days."

**

* * *

**

Having Ron transformed into one of his more disagreeable persona's could make the entire school day go by incredibly slowly. During the first half of the school day Ron received no less than three detentions for carrying girls from class to class.

Much to Kim's amusement and Monique's relief it was a different girl each time. The most disturbing thing that Kim found was that Tara actually seemed to enjoy the ride as she squealed, "Wheeeeeeeeee" down the hallway as Ron ran past her towards Tara's next class.

Finally it was lunch time. Monique and Kim sat at their usual table while Ron huddled with his tray in the corner of the room sniffing various foods and eating with his fingers. Monique shook her head, "I never thought that boy could be any grosser when he ate."

Kim didn't hear her, "He showed up at my house this morning naked and swinging a hockey stick as a club."

Monique raised an eyebrow, "Naked?"

"Oh yea"

"So...uh...You like what you see?" Monique asked coyly.

Kim rolled her eyes, "So un-erotic Mo."

"Not the right time I guess."

Kim frowned, "What am I going to do? Mom wants to get him professional help and I'm afraid if we do get him some help...They might not...help him too much."

"You're afraid they are going to lock his crazy ass away." She finished Kim's unthinkable thought.

"Yea"

"Well girl we've got to do something...At least let's get him a distemper shot." She said as she fought back a laugh.

"MONIQUE, this isn't funny..." Kim said angrily.

"Sorry, sorry...Have you noticed any trend on when he changes personalities?" Monique asked trying to be helpful.

Kim thought about and then shook her head, "No...Wait...Yes...It's always in the morning. Ronnie Diamond showed up the morning after Ron got hurt. Ronnie Blues showed up several days later and..." She pointed towards the corner, "He showed up this morning."

"That's a start." Monique said hopefully.

Ron stood up and left his tray on the floor for Rufus to finish up. He came and stood behind Kim. He began to pick at her hair. Kim slapped his hands away, "RON quit grooming me."

Monique tried hard not to laugh, "OK what does he do at night before he goes to bed?"

Kim looked at Monique strangely, "Oh and how am I supposed to know that? Wait...The night he was hurt...He was watching Duke DeRosa movies on cable."

"So if he goes to sleep watching Duke DeRosa movies and..." She began

"...Ronnie Diamond will be back by morning." Kim said excitedly.

"Kimga, Ronga has to go."

Kim turned and looked at Ron, "Back to class?"

Ron shook his head, "No"

She suddenly understood the meaning, "OH, oh, OK, well..."

Monique jumped up suddenly from the table, "EWWWWWWW HE ISN'T DOING WHAT I THINK HE'S DOING IS HE?"

A smile crossed Ron's face as he finished relieving himself, "Ahhhhhhhhhhh"

Kim jumped up in shock, "RONALD STOPPABLE I AM SO NOT CLEANING YOU UP!" She screamed as she threw a bunch of napkins at him.

**

* * *

**

After the initial uproar had calmed down and Ron was sent home, Kim locked herself crying into a stall in the girl's restroom. She sobbed uncontrollably. The whole thing was her fault. It didn't matter how she looked at it, Ron's brain injury was all her fault.

Monique stood on the other side of the door, "It'll be alright Kim."

"No it won't. It's my fault. If I never would have taken him on that mission...Shego really nailed him with that plasma blast...I'm soooooo sorry Ron." She wailed.

"Kim...come on now. We know what makes him change we'll just go over to his house to night and change him back into Ronnie Diamond...You liked Ronnie Diamond didn't you?" Monique said as she tried to comfort her friend.

"That only puts a Band-Aid on the problem. How am I ever going to get Ron back to normal?" Kim asked as she sat on the stool and put her head in her hands.

Monique shook her head, "I don't know. Let's just get those Duke DeRosa Privateye DVD's and force him to watch them all night. At least he won't be running around here peeing in his pants."

Kim began crying again. Monique bit her lower lip, "Sorry"

**

* * *

**

"You got the DVD's"

"Yes, for the fourth time I got the DVD's."

Kim rang the doorbell to the Stoppable house. She took a deep breath as she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Mrs. Stoppable opened the door, "Hello Kim"

"Ha...Hi Mrs. Stoppable...We...we were wondering if we could visit Ron?" She asked nervously.

Mrs. Stoppable took a deep breath, "Well if you promise not to stay long or do anything to upset him...He's had a hard day. With all that...happened in school and seeing the psychiatrist and all."

Kim's eyes became as big as saucers, "Psychiatrist?"

"I'll talk to you about it after your visit...Oh I see you brought him some DVD's...Nothing too violent I hope." Mrs. Stoppable said as she eyed the four DVD's in Kim's hands.

"Uh...no...just some Duke DeRosa movies."

Mrs. Stoppable smiled, "Oh he likes those. Go on upstairs." Kim walked by her and then Mrs. Stoppable stopped Monique, "I don't believe we've met."

"I'm Monique Wilson. I'm a friend of Ron's."

"Oh, nice to meet you Monique, have a nice visit."

"Thank you, Mrs. Stoppable" Monique said as she followed Kim up the stairs.

The two stopped outside Ron's door. They looked at each other in horror as they listened to the music and singing that was coming from behind his door. Kim reached out to knock on the door until Monique stopped her.

"Do you really think we should do this? I mean what we see behind this door might be more disturbing than Ronga."

Kim thought it over for a brief second before knocking, "Ron….It's Kim and Monique."

The door flew open there stood Ron smiling and singing along with the television.

"_We're all in this together  
Once we know  
That we are  
We're all stars  
And we see that  
We're all in this together  
And it shows  
When we stand  
Hand in hand  
Make our dreams come true"_

Kim stepped into the room and punched her singing friend in the jaw instantly dropping him to the ground in a crumpled heap. Kim shook her head, "I...I'm sorry I had to do that Ron."

Monique pushed past her, "If you didn't I was going to. Ewwwww High School Musical."

Rufus peeked out from behind the TV set, "High School Musical...Yuck!"

Kim nodded her head, "The most evil marketing plot ever launched against teendom…"

"Zac Efron...Ewwwwwwwwwww" Monique said as she gave a shiver of disgust.

"Let's get him into bed." Kim said as she tried to pick him up off the ground.

"Don't you want to strip him first?" Monique asked with a grin.

"NO" Kim said more than a bit tweaked with her friend.

Once they had Ron into bed Kim turned and pointed towards the DVD player. "Monique put in a movie while I try to bring Ron around."

Monique walked over to the player and took out a movie, "Duke DeRosa and the case of the Monkey's Uncle….Sounds interesting." She said as she slipped the disc into the machine.

Kim was finally getting Ron to respond and open his eyes, "Ron we want you to watch this…OK"

Ron turned his head towards the TV and mumbled, "Duke DeRosa…"

"Let's hide the cases so he doesn't get confused in the morning." Kim suggested.

Monique nodded and slid the cases behind Ron's desk, "This should be out of sight for now."

Kim nodded, "Let's go ahead and sneak out."

"_Murder, Murder at the Brooklyn Zoo…"_ The TV set blared as Kim and Monique let themselves out of the room. They walked downstairs to find Mrs. Stoppable waiting on them.

"Monique, can I trouble you to wait outside. I need to talk to Kim alone for a minute?"

Monique looked at Kim, "Oh…sure."

Kim scrunched up her face, _"Uh oh here it comes."_

Mrs. Stoppable paced back and forth wringing her hands, "Kim, the psychiatrist thinks that Ron's problem is due to suppressed memories of a childhood trauma."

"Uh" Kim began.

"I'm almost afraid to broach this subject with you Kim but you and Ron were always inseparable as children. There used to be this creepy man who drove the ice cream truck…Kim to your knowledge was Ron ever molested as a child?"

Kim's mouth dropped open, "NO"

Mrs. Stoppable took a deep breath and try to remember dear, "Were you or Ron ever molested as children?"

"NO" Kim said as panic began to overtake her mind. She pushed past Mrs. Stoppable, "Uh…I hope Ron feels better I have to go now." She said hurriedly as she ran out the door.

Kim made it outside, _"That psychiatrist is going to screw Ron's head up so bad."_ She thought sadly.

"So what did she want to talk with you about?" Monique asked.

She shook her head, "Nothing really, just saying thanks for looking in on Ron."

The Kimmunicator in her pocket sounded with the familiar jingle. Kim was glad for the diversion as now she wouldn't have to face anymore questions from Monique. She pulled the device from her pocket and keyed the receive button.

"What's the sitch Wade?"

The face of computer genius Wade Load appeared on the small screen of the Kimmunicator, "Break in at the Middleton Museum of Science."

"We have one of those?"

Wade shrugged, "Yup"

Kim lifted an eyebrow, "Anything missing?"

"Not sure, I've got a ride headed your way to pick you up in 10 minutes."

The connection ceased. Kim turned to Monique, "Feel like going for a ride?"

Monique took a step back, "Oh no, I'm so not doing any freak fighting."

Kim shook her head, "The burglar has already come and gone. We'll just be investigating."

"Well alright then."

**

* * *

**

"Thanks for the ride Mrs. Lohan."

The middle aged woman smiled, "Oh it's no problem Kimmie after you convinced my daughter that booze, sex and drugs were a sure way to remain in the tabloids after dismal movie failures. Lindsey might still be living at home with me and as you know we both don't want that now do we?"

Kim blinked, "Errrrrr...No, of course not."

Monique and Kim quickly exited the SUV and waived at the strange woman that had just dropped them off at the crime scene. Monique turned to Kim, "You really told Lindsey Lohan to go on a sex, booze and drug binge?"

Kim shrugged, "Well not in so many words."

"Well how many words then?" Monique demanded.

"I...I just told her do what made her happy."

"Booze, sex and drugs make you happy? Hey works for me."

Kim smirked as they approached the yellow tape that surrounded the police crime scene, "What happened here Officer Hobble?"

Officer Hobble was still sporting the large metal appliance that held his jaw together after Kim had accidentally punched him in the mouth during a riot at a high school basketball game. A riot started by none other than Ronnie Diamond.

He turned towards Kim and tried to smile, "Ouch that hurts."

Kim pulled in her neck like a turtle, "Sorry again Officer Hobble. How's the jaw doing?"

Office Hobble blinked, "Ah well you know. I hardly notice it. Except for when I try to sleep, eat, breath, smile, talk, sneeze, cough, or laugh."

It took some time for Kim to fully digest what the officer had told her, "Oh...well...I'm glad your doing...better."

"I got good news for you Kimmie."

Kim smiled uneasily, "You...you do?"

Office Hobble bowed. He would have nodded but the metal contraption he wore on his face wouldn't allow the movement. "Oh yea, good news, the Governor is not going to press charges. He has also ordered all of the counties and townships that you and that other guy broke the law in to drop all the charges against you."

"WOW, that is great news...Ummm...Not to sound...ungrateful...but why did he do that?" Kim asked.

"Election year and since you were helping orphans it makes him look good to help you guys out." Office Hobble explained.

Monique rolled her eyes, "OK, now why exactly are we here again?"

"Oh" Officer Hobble turned slowly and pointed toward to the building behind him, "The Middleton Museum of Science has been broken into by unknown parties. We suspect Drakken and Shego or we did until we remembered that we have them locked up downtown."

Kim looked at the ultra modern state of the art two story museum. The building had a spiral shape to it as it wound its way up to a point two stories up. The museum was constructed of brick, glass and highly polished aluminum. On the ground floor large 12 ft. high panes of safety glass gave the building a unique appearance from the street.

"So how did they get in?" She asked.

"Follow me." Hobble said as he made his way to a shattered glass window.

Kim and Monique followed Office Hobble around the corner. Kim looked at the shattered window, "So is anything dangerous missing?"

"Uh, we're not sure. You better talk to the curator here." Hobble said pointing towards a thin, bearded, middle aged man with thinning brown hair. He was dressed in a brown suit. The man did not look overwhelmingly impressive to Kim but she decided to make up her mind about him later.

Monique looked at some of the exhibits, "Salute to zinc...Nerd alert..."

"I beg your pardon?" The man said coldly to Monique.

"Uh...I said...uh...sorry." Monique said sheepishly.

"Zinc is very important and nothing to be scoffed at..."

Kim quickly interrupted the man's rant, "Oh I know if I've told Monique once, I've told her a thousand times. Zinc is really cool and important Mr...uh..."

The man turned his cold eyes towards Kim, "Doctor, Doctor Phillip Waverly."

"Ah yes the famous Dr. Waverly who is best known for...being curator of this museum." She struggled to try and sound impressed.

Monique nodded, "Zinc...is cool."

"Uh...Dr. Waverly was anything missing after the break in tonight?" Kim asked as she finally decided to get down to business.

The man shook his head, "No, no nothing at all. I'm almost ready to put this whole evening down as nothing more than vandalism."

Kim nodded, "Except?"

Dr. Waverly sighed, "Except for the fact that we have on loan to us a Grandium Neutron Phase Inhibitor."

Monique frowned and rubbed her chin, "I bet you need it for our friend Zinc?"

The Doctor cast Monique a cool stare, "No it is a device that inhibits the neutron flow and inhibits reconstitution."

Kim nodded, "Oh of course. We wouldn't want that to fall into the wrong hands."

"Precisely."

"Kim, I'm bored, can we leave now." Monique whined.

"We'll go in a minute Monique. I'm sorry she just doesn't get the importance of Zinc...and stuff." Kim said trying to sound impressed.

"Well you can go now there is nothing for you to see here." Doctor Waverly said before he turned and walked back inside the museum.

Kim nodded her head, "We'll be back tomorrow." She said quietly.

Monique nodded, "Yea and we'll sick Ronnie Diamond on your ass."

**

* * *

**

The knock at the loft door did not come early this day. This made Kim happy as she had a long night and needed as much rest as she could get especially if she was going to have to put up with a certain Ronnie Diamond all day.

"What?"

"_You have a visitor downstairs at the door honey."_ Mrs. Dr. P. called up to her.

Kim crawled out of bed and put on her bathrobe, _"Let's see who Ron is today."_ She thought as she lowered the trap door and walked down the stairs to the front door.

She yawned as she reached the front door and opened it. There leaning up against the door jam was Ronnie Diamond his brown eyes twinkling brightly as he gazed upon her. He was dressed in his finest suite, trench coat and sporting a fedora that sat on his head at a jaunty angle. Kim gasped as she saw him and then felt embarrassed and began to blush because she was dressed in a bathrobe and her hair was a mess.

"Oh Hi" Kim said nervously.

Ronnie Diamond stood up straight, took the toothpick from his mouth and smiled, "Long time no see Kid. So tell me, what's the sitch?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I shelved the idea of writing Ronnie Diamond in the first person. I just don't think I could have pulled it off.**

**Many thanks to Quis Custodiet, Limby, Spectre666, CajunBear73, Meca Vegeta, Scotty Boi, Poiko, The Creeping Spleen, Aedon Cameron, Ace Ian Combat, Zaratan, Joe Stoppinghem, Dutchman, Whitem...(Pause for a breath)...Yvj, Dante Cell, Zardoz101, Daeron Blackoak for your reviws.**

**It is very late almost 3:00AM, I am very tired as I finish this chapter so without further delay...Chapter 2.**

**Bubba**

* * *

Ronnie Diamond stood outside the Possible's house and waited for Kim to get ready for school. He pulled Rufus from his pocket and eyed him carefully, "You sure your not a Peruvian Hairless?"

Rufus rolled his eyes and slapped his forehead, "Oh man."

The front door opened and Mrs. Dr. Possible stuck her head outside, "Ronnie would you like to come for breakfast?"

Ron's eyes lit up, "Oh boy you betcha Mrs. Possible."

He followed her into the kitchen and sat at the spot at the table she had pointed to for him, "Kimmie should be down in a minute."

Mr. Dr. Possible peered over his newspaper, "So we're Ronnie Diamond today."

"Yea, who else would I be pops...er...I mean Mr. Possible." Ron said as glanced at the paper, "You wouldn't by any chance be finished with the sports would you?"

He handed Ronnie Diamond the sports section without saying a word. Ron looked over the headlines, "Rockies...must be minor league ball?"

"Only the way they play it." Mr. Dr. P. muttered.

Ron turned to the back of the sports section as Rufus made his way to the breakfast table. He nodded his head and looked at Rufus, "Guidry brought in another winner last night. Horse named Short Bus...Have to see what animal Guidry's riding tonight. Maybe win enough money to buy you a little London Fog rain coat and a fedora." He said happily.

Mr. Dr. Possible raised an eyebrow, "So Mr. Diamond follow the ponies do we?"

"Nah, I know enough not to bet too much on the horses. It's the jockey's you keep an eye on. You often see the same guys placing horses in the money. I've been looking at a couple of guys, Guidry, Lopez, and Mueller. I see their names quite a bit on all sorts of different nags." Ron explained as he continued to look over the race results.

"OK" Mr. Dr. Possible said turning his attention back to his newspaper.

"Good morning everybody." Kim said cheerily as she entered the kitchen.

Ron glanced up from the paper and saw Kim wearing her beige Capri pants with a white mid-rift shirt that featured a heart in the center, "Kid, you're not really going to wear that to school are you?"

Kim frowned, "Yes, why?"

Ron returned the frown, "It looks like your wearing pajamas. Put on a nice dress preferably one that compliments your legs. No shame in dressing like a girl from time to time."

Kim growled, "FINE, I'll be right back."

Mr. Dr. Possible nodded appreciation to Ron, "I will say you have excellent taste in clothes Mr. Diamond."

"Gee, thanks Pops...I mean Mr. Possible." He said as he took a bite of his eggs.

Jim and Tim entered the kitchen at a full run, "Hey...Ronnie Diamond is back." Tim said happily.

Jim nodded his head, "Great, glad I don't have to dress him this morning."

Ron frowned, "Well if it isn't double trouble...Alright which one of you wise acres is more identical."

The twins looked at one another in confusion and then pointed to themselves. Ron grinned, "Yea that's what I thought too."

Kim re-entered the kitchen and held out her arms, "How's this?"

"Skirt past the knees, showing the well turned ankle, very nice, white button up long sleeve blouse that hides the navel with the sleeves rolled up...I like it." He said enthusiastically.

"So do I." Mr. Dr. Possible said in agreement.

Mrs. Dr. Possible fought back a smile as she could see that Kim didn't like the look at all, "Honey I think it's time you left for school. You don't want to be late."

"But I haven't had any breakfast." Kim protested.

"Here ya go Kid. Rufus hasn't finished off my toast yet." Ron offered.

She picked up the cold toast, "Gee thanks."

Ron rose from the table, placed Rufus back into the pocket of his trench coat, "Thanks for the breakfast Mrs. Possible, you're the best." He said as he tipped his hat on the way out of the room.

"Oh your always welcome here Ronnie." Mrs. Dr. Possible said with a smile.

"_I wish mom didn't think Ronnie Diamond was so cute."_ She thought sadly. Kim shook her head as she followed Ron out the door, "See ya ma."

Ron waited outside by Bessie his 1937 Plymouth that was restored with a fresh high performance Chevrolet small block engine. He stroked the car lovingly, "Bessie's anxious to go Kid, you ready?"

Kim nodded, "Yea, I'm ready." She said as she sat in the passenger's seat.

It had been almost a week since she had ridden in the old car. She bounced on the seat once just to hear the old springs creak, _"I wish our couch was this comfortable."_ She thought as Ron fired the engine to life.

"So refresh my memory, what are we doing at school today?" Ron asked.

Kim gasped and put a hand over her mouth, "Oh my gosh I forgot. You've been suspended till Monday."

Ron looked at her in amazement, "What for?"

She didn't want to tell him the truth. She didn't exactly know how to explain the truth to him if she did try to tell him. So she told him something that only Ronnie Diamond could understand, "Lewd and lascivious behavior."

He winced and rolled his head back on the seat, "I knew 3 Card Monty would come back and haunt me. No wonder I couldn't find my cards. The dirty screws confiscated em'."

Kim looked uneasy as she nodded, "Yea...dirty screws...uh...Ron what are you going to do all day then?" She was almost afraid to ask.

Ron grinned, "Ahhhhh don't worry, I'll manage. I think I'll drop by the club and get paid. Then I have to find me an office."

She shook her head, "An office?"

"Yea, mom's getting kind of goofy. Keeps warning me to avoid the ice cream man, I figure it's the strain of me having my office in my room." He told her.

"Oh" Kim said as she looked around the nervously.

Ron turned into the Middleton High School parking lot. He lifted an eyebrow as he spotted one Josh Mankey dressed as a pirate. He and Kim exchanged looks as they both got out of the car to investigate.

Bonnie Rockwaller quickly took Josh by the arm turned up her nose to the pair, "Oh I see your still hanging out with the detective from the 1930's...Well he's out this week and pirate guys are in now." She said haughtily.

Kim lifted an eyebrow, "Pirate guys?"

Josh was completely decked out in his old Halloween costume. Pirate hat, red stripped shirt, black pants and boots, plastic hook and an eye patch. He smiled at Kim and lifted the eye patch, "Hey Kim, want to be my first mate?"

"I don't think so." Kim smirked.

Ron tried to step around Kim but she kept herself between he and Josh, "Look here pal, you might be needin' two eye patches if I catch you trying to mess with the Kid again."

The memory of the last time he encountered Ronnie Diamond was still fresh in his mind. He was telling all of his friends about how he was having great sex with Kim until a certain trench coat wearing figure punched him in the mouth. Josh dropped the eye patch and quickly took Bonnie by the arm, "Ah...no, no that won't be necessary...Mr... Mr. Diamond."

Kim turned to face Ron, "Ron...Try to stay out of trouble, OK."

He stared at Josh Mankey until he was inside the school building, "Sure Kid. Oh and I really do like that outfit."

"You do." She smiled as she fought the urge to flirt with him.

Ron reached into the pocket of his London Fog trench coat and pulled out a toothpick, "Yea, it almost..." He stopped and looked around the parking lot, "It almost makes me forget that...uh...you know..."

Kim tilted her head and asked innocently, "What?"

"...uh...that...uh...You better get inside or you're going to be late for school." Ron said urgently.

She smiled and nodded, "OK, you picking me up after school?"

"You bet."

"Good, because I got a...case that I need some help on."

Ron grinned, "Listen to you, I'm the detective remember."

Kim returned the grin, "You just remember to pick me up."

**

* * *

**

He pulled the Plymouth along side the old warehouse that hid the night club that he managed. The place was empty during the day. Ron walked up to the entrance and banged on the door.

The secret panel slid open and a set of familiar eyes met his, "What's the password?"

"Boop-Oop-A-Doop..." Ron answered.

"Not the right password but it is an intriguing answer. Come inside Mr. Diamond we have much to discuss." The voice on the other side of the door said.

Ron could hear the clicks of the locks being undone on the other side of the door. Soon it swung open and he entered the club, "Hi ya Big Daddy."

"Mr. Diamond" Big Daddy Brotherson said as he motioned for Ron to enter the club.

Ron entered the room and took a seat at an empty Craps table, "So am I on the schedule for this evening?"

"I wasn't sure if I should put you on or not? You vanished rather mysteriously last week." Big Daddy said as he poured himself a drink. He remembered his manners and pointed towards Ron, "What are you drinking today Mr. Diamond?"

"It's still early. I'll have a gin and juice." Ron said as he took off his fedora and sat it on the table to the side of him. He took his drink from the portly man across the table, "There must be some misunderstanding. I didn't disappear so I must not have been on the schedule."

Big Daddy Brotherson nodded his head, "Well no matter. There is one more question I would like to have cleared up before I pay you and inform you of your hours."

"What's that?"

The fat man shifted his weight in the chair, "I heard a disturbing report that Shego and a certain employer of hers was arrested downtown and that you may have played a part in it?"

Now it was Ron's turn to squirm. He arraigned the whole setup to have Shego and Dr. Drakken arrested outside the Middleton Bus Station. He did his best to keep himself and Kim out of it but apparently he didn't do a good enough job. Having a club manager having the patrons arrested could be very bad business for a man in Big Daddy Brotherson's shoes.

"I don't know nothin' about it." Ron said evenly.

"Good" Big Daddy Brotherson said as he reached into his white seersucker suit and pulled out a well stuffed envelope. "You did a good job of running the place in my absence. I have to leave town once again to get the Bermuda Triangle club running smoothly. Think you can handle the place."

Ron took a swig from his drink, "Yea, I can handle it." He opened the envelope and forced himself to not jump for joy. It was packed with $100 bills, _"Now that's a lot of scratch."_

He downed his drink in one quick gulp and thanked his employer for his large monetary donation to the Ronnie Diamond piggy bank. As he was headed out the door Big Daddy Brotherson stopped him, "There's also another matter Mr. Diamond."

"Yea?"

Big Daddy Brotherson sat once more on a large cushion just feet from the entrance and looked up at Ron, "There is an Asian girl that has come by the last couple of nights looking for you."

Ron tilted his head, "Asian girl?"

"Yes, I believe she's Japanese or Korean. I'm unsure. they all look alike to me. Slant eyes you know. Makes them appear inscrutable, almost evil somehow."

He squinted and tried to remember ever meeting or kissing an Asian girl. He shook his head, "Nope, I don't know any Asian girls. I'll be seein' ya Big Daddy." Ron said happily as he donned his fedora and walked out the door.

**

* * *

**

Ron eyed the ad in the newspaper, _"Office space, 400 sq. ft. reasonable lease arrangements...Sounds like just what I need." _He thought to himself as he eyed the building in front of him.

It was an old rundown store front that once housed a Gassman's Drug Store. The place had long ago shut down. A victim of the larger drug retailers moving into the city, the small family owned store couldn't compete with the might of Walgreens or USA Drug. So Gassman's closed down.

He stepped out of his car and waited for the land lord to arrive. Ron walked up and down the block then ducked into the alley as he tried to get a feel for the neighborhood. The neighborhood consisted of mostly rundown store fronts and what residential area he could see looked to be older frame houses that were old but well maintained.

"_Not a bad area, looks like a lot of old people around."_ He thought as he watched the white Lincoln Town Car pull up behind his Plymouth.

A balding man in his late 40's stepped out of the car. He wore a work uniform for a local factory. Ron eyed the buildings and figured the man to be the owner. Purchasing the property in hopes that it would help subsidize his retirement when it came time.

"You Mr. Diamond?"

"I am." Ron answered the man.

He stepped forward and shook his hand, "Heh, nice outfit. So what are you looking for?"

"...and you are?" Ron asked as he lifted an eyebrow.

"Oh Dave Thompson, I own the property."

Ron pointed towards the building, "I need a little place for an office. I'm a private investigator by trade. Shouldn't be any problems as most of my clientele are...off premises if you know what I mean."

The man suppressed a grin. "A private eye, eh?"

"That's what I said." He told the man evenly.

"Well if your daddy well let you have the money..." He said as he started to walk across the street, "...I've got a small office behind Gassman's here. Used to be a office for a masonry company. It's not fancy mind you."

Ron followed him across the street. The two men walked around the back of the building. The older man pulled out a large ring of keys as he approached an old steel door set into a solid brick wall.

He opened the door and allowed Ron to go inside first, "You may want to watch yourself. I had trouble with a wasps nest in here last year."

The first thing that assaulted Ron's senses was the smell. He quickly covered his nose and mouth as he entered the room. Mr. Thompson followed him inside. He made a face and did the same.

"Toilet backed up about 3 years ago. I guess the previous tenet never fixed it." His voice was muffled behind his hand.

"Uh huh" Ron answered as he looked at the rest of the office. An old steel desk with a three drawer filing cabinet sat in the middle of the room. An old office chair on wheels that had the stuffing coming out of the seat rested just behind the desk. Four steel folding chairs rested against a wall in the corner of the office. He walked over towards the window and looked outside.

"So what are you askin' for rent?" He asked the man as he pointed towards the exit.

They quickly walked back outside. The man coughed a bit, "Ugh...that smell...uh...I was wanting around $600 a month."

"Where do ya think this place is Park Avenue? I'll go $250 a month." Ron countered.

The man frowned, "Two hundred fifty a month? This is prime Middleton real-estate, $400 a month not a penny less."

Ron coughed, "You have that toilet cleaned up and you got yourself a deal."

"Not so fast, I want a one months deposit and a month's back rent as well as this month's rent." The man said firmly.

"How much is that gonna be?" Ron asked sounding shocked at the man's terms.

"A thousand dollars."

Ron shouted, "WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR SOME KIND OF SAP?" Then he calmed down and countered the man's offer, "Drop the deposit. What could I possibly tear up inside this dump?"

The man thought it over, "You got cash?"

"Yea"

"Alright $800 and I'll get the toilet squared away. You're lucky you caught me in a generous mood." The man said.

Ronnie Diamond now had a new office from which to conduct his investigations.

**

* * *

**

He turned into the parking lot of Middleton High School and parked the old Plymouth. Before turning off the engine he closed his eyes and pressed the gas pedal down to hear the comforting roar of the high performance Chevrolet engine that beat under the hood.

"_Oh yea, that's the stuff."_

Ron finally shut the motor down and stepped out from behind the wheel. He removed his fedora and sat it on top of the candy apple red car. He surveyed the other cars in the parking lot. He noted that they had much lower rooflines than his, _"What a bunch of dopes. You should never buy a car unless you can wear your hat in while you drive."_

He looked up as the final bell rang for the day, _"I wonder if I really shouldn't drop out? If I did it would break mom's heart. If I dropped out I could devote all my energies to snoopin'. After all I wouldn't want education getting in the way of my detecting skills."_

High school students made their way past him into the parking lot. Ron took his tooth pick out of his mouth and smiled at a few girls, _"Then again, maybe I should stay? I do enjoy looking at the ladies in their tight..."_

"Still around Diamond?"

Ron turned his head and smiled, "The Diamond always shines for you Bonnie."

Bonnie rolled her eyes, "I bet you use that line on all the girls."

"No, Doll you got me all wrong. I ain't no chiseler." Ron said defensively.

"So what were you doing all day while the rest of us were stuck here? A girl has something to do with it I bet." Bonnie smirked as she tried to act uninterested in what Ronnie Diamond was really up to.

"Look Kitten I was out all day workin'. I dropped by the club and got paid. Then I went and rented me an office."

Bonnie's eyes lit up, "PAID, OFFICE...I mean...sure you did. Not that I believe you but...where's your office at?"

"Awwwwwwww it's a little joint off the beaten track behind the old Gassman's Drug Store downtown. I'm going to be in there later cleaning the place up. It's kind of dirty." Ron said sheepishly.

"Well I'm so not interested." Bonnie said wincing as she noted the approach of Tara.

Ron saw her coming towards them as well, "Well if that don't beat all?"

"RONNNNNNIEEEEEEE" Tara shouted excitedly as she threw herself into Ron's outstretched arms and began kissing him.

Bonnie shook her head, "Fine, so much for the sparkle..."

"Uh...Bonnie...I uh...I can explain...eventually." Ron stammered as he continued to hold Tara in his arms.

Tara turned his head to face her again and continued kissing him. She broke off another tongue kiss, "I missed you so much. I mean the caveman guy was fun but he just wasn't the same."

Ron blinked his eyes and tried to figure out what she was talking about, "Oh...great, yea...I'm better than the uh...caveman."

"I see you don't waste any time." Kim smirked as she and Monique walked up on Ron holding Tara in his arms.

"Kid, it's not what you think. Well, it might be what you think...I plead the fifth." Ron said nervously.

"Take off Tara." Monique said menacingly.

Tara turned up her nose and walked away making sure she sashayed her hips enticingly back and forth.

Ron pulled a fresh toothpick from his pocket as he watched Tara leave, "Get a load of that caboose..."

"RON" Kim said angrily.

"Ah yea, sorry Kid." He said just before he noticed Monique standing beside Kim, "Well if it's not the doe eyed beauty Monique." He reached out and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, "You got any more surprises for me in that closet?"

Monique blushed, giggled and bobbed her head back and forth, "Oh maybe..."

Ron leaned in close to her and continued to flirt, "Nothing like a little hot chocolate to warm a man up in the morning."

She remembered pulling him into a closet and laying down the law about before kissing him passionately to see what all the fuss was about. Monique licked her lips, "Oh lover there is so much bubblin' hot chocolate here that I..."

"MONIQUE!" Kim gasped.

"Right girl, uh...right...Case first...always." Monique said sheepishly.

Kim rolled her eyes, "Look Ron we need you to take us to the Middleton Science Museum. There was a break in last night."

"So the cities call in the best eh'." Ron said proudly as he put his hat back on top of his head.

"No, I just want you to look around...informally...of course." Kim said vaguely as she looked over to Monique for help.

Ron touched the side of his nose, "I gotcha Kid we're doing this on the QT."

Kim sighed as she walked towards the passenger's side of the old Plymouth, "Yea I guess."

"Kim, why don't you drive that way Ron can show me around the backseat area." Monique said hopefully.

"I thought you worked today?" Kim said hoping that Monique would take the hint and get lost.

"Oh no, I'm off on Friday nights." She said as she climbed into the back seat. "Wow, there's loads of room back here."

Ron chuckled, "OK Kid, it's off the Middleton Egghead Museum."

He fired up the old Plymouth and drove out of the school parking lot, "Gee it sure was swell to see all the girls again."

Monique leaned over from the backseat, "Once the word got out that you were back. Pirate guys were out by the third hour."

**

* * *

**

They arrived at the museum the yellow police tape was still limiting the public's access to the crime scene. The police on duty eyed the kid in the trench coat with an air of contempt. The ranking officer broke away from the group of three that stood guarding the and approached the three teens.

"So I see we got Scooby, Daphne and Velma...Nothing to see here." The officer said.

Kim smirked, "I'm Kim Possible, I think you'll see we're on the list."

Ron chuckled, "The Kid's cute when she tried to play tough. If its not on the list look under Diamond, Ronnie Diamond."

The officer turned to the other men, "Any mention of a Kim Possible or..." He took a disbelieving look at Ron, "...or Bogey?"

"Oh yea, Kim's on the list..." Office Hobble said as he approached,

"Hey Officer Hobble, how's the hardware business going?" Ron asked as he pointed to the metal contraption Hobble had to wear because of the broken jaw that Kim had given him.

Hobble froze as he recognized Ron from the riot where his jaw was broken, "Oh no...It's you...the guy in the dog mask." He mumbled.

Ron held up his hands, "Hey now, no charges were ever filed against me."

"Look around and touch nothing." The ranking officer said disgustedly.

Kim leaned over to Ron, "Any ideas about who broke in yet?"

Ron took his tooth pick out of his mouth, "No one broke in Kid."

"No, no, someone broke in look at all the glass on the ground." She pointed out.

"Kid, the glass is lying outside the building. Someone broke out from the inside." Ron said with a grin.

Kim winced, "Oh...I should have caught that..."

"That's why I'm the detective." He said condescendingly.

She turned red as the other officers looked at one another, "We knew that..." The officer in charge said as he tried to cover the fact they too were surprised.

Ron shrugged, "Come on Kid lets go inside. We ain't going to learn nothin' hangin' around with these flat foots out here." He said with a smirk as he strolled past the officers.

Monique walked behind them. She waived at the officers and pointed at Ron, "Detective at work."

Once inside Ron looked at the yellow tape from a different angle and then turned and walked into the museum. The crowd wasn't large due to the fact it was in the afternoon and no school children were present on their field trips.

The Middleton Museum of Science never did get a lot of visitors. People just were interested in many of the dry and bland exhibits. They chose instead to go to the Uperton Museum of Science due to the flashy architecture and the large IMAX movie theater that showed first run movies as well as special programs that were more interesting than zinc.

So it was an empty museum that Ronnie Diamond now had the run of. He looked around the large empty museum and figured he should take a few notes. He taped his pocket, "Rufus, take notes."

Rufus popped out of the pocket of his trench coat with a tiny pad of paper and a pencil, "Ready"

"3:18 PM, the weather outside was sunny but that did little to improve the fortunes of a museum who's sole purpose was to entertain eggheads." Ron began.

Kim interrupted, "Ron...maybe a few lines about the crime."

"Kid, stop interrupting, I'm setting a mood." Ron looked around the lobby, "My mind is torn between why they think this is a break in instead of a break out. Could have one of the cleaning crew been so bored to tears that the only way to save himself was running through a plate glass window?"

"Can I help you?" Dr. Waverly asked as he walked up to the three teens.

"Yea, who's the Chief Egghead around here?" Ron asked.

Dr. Waverly bristled, "That would be me."

Ron was taken aback, "Oh...yea...great exhibit. Zinc...I like zinc why just the other day I was telling the Kid there that zinc is a very important ingredient in the strengthening of steel."

Monique smiled, "Yea, I remember it well even if Kim wasn't listening."

Kim screwed up her face, "Monique stop encouraging him."

Doctor Waverly seemed to relax a bit, "What manner of man are you who are so wise in the ways of science?"

"Some call me Diamond, Ronnie Diamond."

The Kimmunicator sounded as Kim pulled the device quickly from her purse, "Go Wade"

Ron looked at the device and then strolled casually behind Kim, "Hey a little colored boy in a box."

"Hey now, I thought we talked about that?" Monique scolded him.

"Colored boy?" Wade asked.

"Long story...What have you got?" Kim said as she glared at Ron.

Wade eyed Ron curiously as he had never seen Ronnie Diamond before, "Okay...I analyzed the security camera footage and I found something interesting."

"Mr. Diamond, would you care to examine the security camera footage in my office?" Dr. Waverly asked.

"Sure" Ron said then he turned back towards Kim, "Don't get into any trouble while I'm gone."

Kim smirked, "Okay Wade."

"I believe someone broke out of the museum and not into it."

Monique leaned over, "Ron's way ahead of you."

Wade frowned, "Well does he know that a bolt of pure energy shattered the widow out front?"

Kim shrugged, "I'm sure he's about to."

"Oh...Well...does he know the atomic weight of zinc?" Wade said fishing for something useful to tell Kim.

"I don't think he cares Wade." Monique said with a soft chuckle.

"Yea who does? I mean Upperton has that cool Titanic exhibit." Wade enthused.

"So tell me again Mr. Diamond how chicken livers can be used to predict earthquakes." Dr. Waverly said as the rejoined the group.

"Hang on Wade...You learn anything."

"Yes, yes, witches weigh the same as wood and will float on water like a duck." Dr. Waverly said excitedly.

"Not you..." Kim groaned.

Ron eyed the rather portly collection of officers milling about outside the museum, "Kid since Middleton's finest have been exposed to too many Dixie Cream Donuts I would suggest dusting for prints a little closer to the ground."

Kim nodded her head, "Where should I start?"

He looked at the Doctor, "Oh yes the tribute to metallurgy room, the why porcelain should never replace cast iron for engine blocks display and the room with the Grandium Neutron Phase Inhibitor."

She nodded her head, "Right, follow me Monique." She said as she left the lobby.

"Well Doc it's been great chatting with you but I really should supervise my help." Ron said as he was anxious to leave the overly curious scientist.

"Yes, you must drop by again when things aren't so...unpleasant."

"You got it Doc." Ron said as he turned and bumped into Monique, "Hey I thought you were helping Kim?"

"I found a little closet over here that needs...investigating." She said with a wink.

Ron grinned and looked around cautiously for Kim, "I see..." He pulled Rufus from his pocket, "You getting this pal?"

Rufus nodded his head, "Uh huh, uh huh, witches, ducks..."

"Great..." Ron said as he sat him on the ground, "Go help Kim for a while."

"Blppppppppppp" Rufus gave Ron a raspberry as he realized he was being ditched so Ron could be with Monique.

Monique pulled Ron to the closet she had found. Rufus smirked and took off to find Kim. It didn't take long as Kim decided to try the room with Grandium Neutron Phase Inhibitor first.

"Find anything Wade?" She asked as she held the Kimmunicator towards the machine.

"A few prints, Dr. Waverly...Someone...bad print...Duff Killigan...HEY!"

Kim tilted her head, "Duff Killigan?"

"That's his thumb print..." Wade confirmed.

She turned to Monique, "We better find..."

There was no Monique but Rufus stood before her scribbling in his note book, "Duff Killingan...uh huh, uh huh..."

Kim shook her head, "I'll get back to you later Wade." She switched the device off and turned her attention back to Rufus, "Do you know where Ron and Monique are?"

Rufus smiled evilly and nodded his head, "Uh huh"

"Can you take me to them?" She asked sweetly.

Once again the naked mole rats head nodded yes, "Uh huh"

"Lead the way."

Rufus ran back towards the lobby and that was all Kim needed as she could hear Monique's soft giggling, _"I promise I won't tell Kim...Now shut up and start squeezing."_

Kim's eyes grew wide as she looked for the source of the voices. Then she spotted the door, _"A closet...figures."_ She opened the door and gasped at the sight that greeted her. Ron had both hands grasping Monique's butt as she was kissing him passionately.

A soft moan escaped her lips, "Oh yea baby..."

Ron moaned into her mouth, "This has got 3 Card Monty beat by a..." He looked up and saw Kim glaring at them, "...KID!"

Monique jumped and tried to before Ron could pull his hands out of her pants. Ron jerked his hands free and began fumbling with his tie, "Uh...It's not what you think Kid..."

Monique smiled uneasily, "I think...I better go powder my nose." She said as she ran out of the closet.

Kim glared at her as she passed. "Sheep" Then turned her attention back to Ron. She tried to say something but could think of nothing as she reached out and slapped him in the face, "Don't you ever try to ditch me while we're on a mission just to...to..."

Ron rubbed the side of his face, "You know you're beautiful when you're angry."

She frowned and shook her head, "You are just so pathetic." She said disgustedly as she turned and walked from the closet.

His attention was now focused on Rufus as he sat on his hind end laughing hysterically. Ron shook his head, "Laugh now you pint sized traitor."

**

* * *

**

Ron stood in his office with his hands on his hips surveying the room. He had been working on the office to well into the night. It was cleaner now but there was still a long way to go before it could actually be considered clean. His bare chest heaved from the exertion of the hard work he was performing. He looked over towards the coat rack where his trench coat, shirt and necktie now hung.

He collapsed into the steel chair that had casters on the bottom and rolled himself towards the desk. He looked towards the one window and reflected on the events of the day, _"I knew there was more to this business than just kissing."_ He thought as he closed his eyes and mentally reviewed his few minutes in the closet with Monique.

Then he shook his head, _"I don't why the Kid gets so upset? I mean, you just can't mix business with pleasure. It wouldn't be right to have a...romance with my secretary..."_ He thought as he spun back towards the door.

He saw a form in the darkened doorway. The only illumination in the room was a single overhead light. The 60 watt light bulb only illuminated a small circle around his desk, "Move into the light slowly, I gotta gun..." He said sternly.

"Well I should hope so." The girl in the doorway said.

Ron grinned as he realized it was not an intruder but a mysterious woman in a dress, high heels and pillbox hat. He reached for a toothpick but realized his coat was on the coat rack, "So what can I do for you."

The girl still in the shadow looked around the office, "This place is dirty."

He looked around and nodded, "Yea, it needs work."

"Do you like it dirty...Mr. Diamond?" The girl asked.

She moved into the light and Ron grinned as he recognized the girl, "Dirty can be good." He flirted back to her.

"I need you to help find something I've lost." She said mysteriously.

"Sure thing Doll." Ron replied standing from his chair.

"I think it may be in the backseat of your car." She said hopefully.

Ron took her into his arms, "I think we should go look together then."

"Oh yes, Mr. Diamond let's." She said urgently as she tugged him towards the door.

The black form of the old Plymouth stood out in the darkened alleyway as the girl drug Ron towards the car. She opened the door and took a sat on the backseat. She patted the spot next to her, "Join me Mr. Diamond."

Ron climbed into the backseat of the car, "You got it Bonnie..."

Bonnie Rockwaller looked around the neighborhood and bit her lip as she reached a decision, "I need you to find something for me." She said once again.

He nodded, "Yea, so what are we looking for?"

She lay across the large back seat and pulled up her skirt. "My panties, I can't seem to find them anywhere Mr. Diamond."

The dome light of the car barely illuminated what every adolescent boy considered the Promised Land. Ron swallowed hard and showed Bonnie his deep appreciation of her nubile young body as he blinked and stuttered in awe, "Ha, ha, ho...ho...HOLY CATS!" He exclaimed excitedly as he quickly climbed into the backseat and closed the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:Sorry for the long delay between chapters. I hope not to take so long for the next one.**

**Many thanks to Joe Stoppingham for beta reading my chapter for me. **

**Also many thanks to Limby, The Real Sidekick, Spectre666, CajunBear73, BigHerb81, TheOtherDave, Heero McCloud, GSinus, The Creeping Spleen, Aedon Cameron, Ace Ian Combat, Zaratan, Akinyi, Joe Stoppinghem, Dutchman, Whitem...(Pause for a breath)...Yvj, Dante Cell, Zardoz101, Daeron Blackoak for your reviws.**

**Bubba**

* * *

Saturday morning had been busy for Kim. She attended the last meeting of the cheer squad before they would disband for the year. Bonnie was especially annoying to her, smirking at her and acting far superior than normal. Kim was not privy to the fact that Bonnie Rockwaller had claimed another male conquest the night before. Her latest conquest was none other than her life long best friend Ronald Stoppable, who was suffering from the delusion that he was in fact a Private Investigator by the name of Ronnie Diamond.

Tara was also unusually cold to her, as well as to Bonnie. Kim didn't spend much time puzzling over the unusual behavior because she had an afternoon appointment to check out the new office of Ronnie Diamond Private Eye.

After Bonnie dismissed the squad, Kim walked outside the gymnasium and pulled out her cell phone. She noticed she had 5 missed calls from Monique. She sighed and shook her head wondering what could be so important that Monique would be calling all morning for her.

She noticed that there was one voice mail, so she pushed the button to retrieve it. She listened to the voice menu before pressing one for new messages.

_"Girl, you have got to call me. This is just too good, call me."_

Kim chuckled wondering to herself what kind of good gossip Monique had for her. She pushed buttons until her name appeared, then she pressed the call button. She started to tap her foot looking up the street, _"I wonder where mom is?"_ She thought as she waited for her mother to show up to drive her home.

_"Hey, glad you called. Hang on a sec. I'm at work."_ Monique said quickly before Kim could say a word.

_"So you want the slacks, the blouse and the stripped spring sleeveless top? That'll be 62.40." _

Kim smiled as she listened to Monique's talk to her customer, _"I really do need to update my wardrobe for spring and summer clothes. I could use a new mission outfit too. My other ones are starting to look like rags."_ She thought to herself.

_"I'm sorry ma'am, we don't accept checks."_

_"Yes you do, I wrote one in her last month."_ A rather loud and angry voice replied to Monique.

_"Ma'am, we haven't accepted checks for over a year."_

_"I want to talk to your manager."_ The woman said angrily.

_"Fine, Janine could you come here a second?"_

Kim giggled and bit on her thumb nail as she listened in on the conversation, _"Man I bet it would be fun to work with Monique. It's a shame I'm too busy saving the world all the time."_

There was a rustling sound before Kim heard the store manager in the background, _"No ma'am, we no longer accept checks."_

_"Well my husband's a police officer and he'll make you take my check."_

_"I'm sorry Mrs. Hobble, but we just can't accept checks."_ The manager said once again.

There was a long silence that was soon followed by two people chuckling. Kim grinned guessing that Mrs. Hobble had left the store in a huff.

_"Janine, I'm going to take my break." _

_"Not too long, we have more spring fashions to put out." _

_"Hey Kim, sorry about that, some people just won't take no for an answer." _Monique said cheerily.

Kim giggled, "No big, it sounds like you have a blast working at Club Banana."

_"It's a good time usually. Then you have the occasional stinker."_

"I think I'd like to work there, but I...I don't know if I can handle someone getting in my face like that." Kim pondered.

_"You just have to be firm with them. Just like with boys. When you say no, you have to mean it. They sense weakness."_

She laughed, "Sounds like you've had to say no once or twice."

_"I'm not spilling any of my secrets."_ Monique said trying to sound mysterious.

"So what's the big news?" Kim finally asked.

_"Oh yeah, right, Bonnie and Tara are having a race to see who beds down with Ronnie Diamond first."_ Monique said breathlessly.

Kim started laughing, "OK, that explains why both of them were acting so strange today."

_"Oh yeah, they aren't speaking to one another. So are you going to join in the race?"_ Monique asked.

Kim rolled her eyes and then waved to her mother as she drove up outside the school, "Please, Ronnie Diamond and I are just friends."

_"Well if you not attracted to him, how about Rongo?"_ Monique chuckled.

"Ronga" Kim corrected her.

_"Whatever, I mean you got to see him nude..." _

"MONIQUE!" Kim squealed as her mom drove up, "We're talking about the same person here." She reminded her before breaking the conversation, "Hi mom"

_"Oh yea..."_ Monique said over the phone.

Mrs. Dr. Possible smiled, "Where to now?"

_"...but you did check him out?"_ Monique asked.

"Well it's not like I had a choice, he was standing naked on top of dad's car shaking it for all the world to see." Kim reminded her.

Kim's mother raised an eyebrow, "We're not talking about Ronga are we?"

Kim rolled her eyes, "Yes, Monique's trying to make a big deal about me seeing him naked. She wants...details." She said in a low knowing voice.

_"Kim, you are so not talking to your mother about this are you?"_ Monique asked sounding very worried.

"Shaaaaaaa, of course. Who do you think is picking me up?" Kim asked sounding quite irritated.

"You tell Monique that Ronga has a package that any boy would be proud to own." Mrs. Dr. Possible said trying to fight back a grin.

"Mother!" Kim said sounding scandalized.

_"Squeeeeeee, girl I knew he was packing a..." _

"MONIQUE, we're talking about my best friend here." Kim said nervously. She turned to her mother, "Why aren't we going anywhere?"

Her mother raised an eyebrow, "Because you haven't told me where to go yet."

Kim giggled and shook her head, "Sorry, Ron said to meet him at his office behind the..." She stopped to think of the directions again, "...behind the old Gassman's drug store."

Mrs. Dr. Possible frowned as she put her car into gear, "Old town..."

She turned her attention back to the phone, "So, are you going to join their race?"

_"I might, I might if I wasn't so afraid you'd flatten me."_ Monique said with a fair amount of humor in her voice.

Kim scoffed, "Now why would you think that?"

_"Girl, you know you are so crushing on Ronnie Diamond that's why."_

A nervous laugh escaped Kim's lips, "So not true Monique."

_"Hey I have to get back to work. Call me later, 'K'." _

"Sure" Kim said before Monique could end the call.

Mrs. Dr. Possible glanced towards her daughter, "So you've got a crush on Ronnie Diamond. That is so cute."

Kim glared at her mother, "NO, that's just gross. I mean Ronnie Diamond isn't real. It would be like falling in love with a cartoon character."

The car pulled up in front of Gassman's Drug Store. Mrs. Dr. Possible looked around the neighborhood and frowned, "I guess it doesn't look so...rundown when the sun is shinning." She observed nervously.

Kim nodded her head in agreement as she noted the overcast sky gave the whole neighborhood look very dreary and dangerous. She opened the car door and got out, "Wait for me, just in case he's not here."

Mrs. Dr. Possible agreed and Kim carefully walked across the street keeping her eyes peeled for trouble. She rounded the building and let out a sigh of relief. There was Ron's 37 Plymouth parked outside what was in her mind a very rundown looking building. She smiled, patted the car on the fender and whispered, "Hi Bessie."

She walked up to the door and stopped, as she spotted something white lying against the side of the building. She tilted her head, _"Those look like panties." _

A tremor of fear gripped her as she bent over and picked them up. They were about the right size she reasoned, as she noted the little bunnies print on them. She turned them around and looked at the tag.

There in black magic marker was written two letters 'B' and 'R'. Kim frowned she instantly knew who the panties belonged to, "BONNIE" She growled as she walked in the door to Ron's office.

Ron stood with his hands on his hips surveying his handy work on the office. His hat, suit coat and trench coat hanging on a coat rack he found in a back room. He turned and saw Kim as she entered the office, "Hey Kid, great to see you. What do ya think of my new digs?" Ronnie Diamond said happily as spread his arms out.

Rufus hopped up on Ron's desk grinning, _"hink' Swell place."_

She didn't say a word as she strode angrily towards Ron's desk and thrust the panties towards him.

Ron's eyes lit up, "Hey, good work there Kid, you found Bonnie's panties. She came over last night to have me find them for her. Of course we didn't spend much time looking." Ron said with a wink.

Kim's green eyes bulged in their sockets, "Bonnnie..."

_"Uh oh."_ Rufus squeaked as he dove for cover. He instinctively knew what was coming next.

He tilted his head, "Uh...yea, I'm pretty sure it was Bonnie."

"BONNIE?!"

"Yeah...Bonnie...You all right Kid? You look kind of..."

"So what did you two do last night, RON?" Kim demanded.

Ron was oblivious to Kim's fit of pique. He grinned and rubbed the back of his neck, "Awwww Kid, gentlemen don't discuss such things. If you know what I mean?" He said grinning as he raised an eyebrow to convey his meaning more effectively.

Kim was now shaking with jealous rage, "DISCUSS!"

The detective in Ronnie Diamond now registered that there was something wrong with Kim. He took a step back and pulled a toothpick from his pocket, "Well...uh...you know. Bonnie came in, we talked...She...uh...Hey how do you like my office?" Ron said evasively trying hard to change the subject.

"DISCUSS!" Kim screamed again.

Ronnie Diamond swallowed hard, "Well, you know I think the world of you Kid but we're just friends...right?"

"DISCUSS!"

Ron blinked and looked around the office, "Well, Bonnie...uh...you know, took a boy into the back seat of Bessie and made him a...a...man." He said trying to keep his voice from cracking out of fear for what he saw in Kim's eyes.

She sucked in her cheeks and punched Ron in the jaw knocking him unconscious. Kim made no move to check on him as she glared daggers at the blank wall in front of her. She pumped her right fist into the palm of her left hand three times, _"Time to go find Bonnie."_ She thought angrily as she turned and walked out of the office.

Ronnie Diamond woke up on the cold concrete floor of his office. He moaned and reached for his chin. He gasped as he spotted Rufus standing on his chest eying him nervously, "Take a picture, it'll last longer."

Rufus chuckled, _"Hoooooo boy."_

He moved Rufus off of his chest. Ron grunted and shook his head as he tried to struggle to his feet, "Kid...You're going to have to start using the open palm when you strike me. A closed fist denotes a certain lack of affection." He said, not realizing Kim had already left.

He looked around the empty office. A grin crossed his face, _"The Kid sure does pack a whollop."_ He mused as he stood to his full five foot six inch height.

"Well Rufus, I think I'm in trouble." Ron said as he looked towards his naked mole rat.

Rufus nodded and squeaked, _"Big trouble, yeah."_

Long dark shadows of late afternoon were closing in on the office. Ron rubbed his chin again as he looked at his watch, "Time to go to work." He said wearily as he placed Rufus in his pocket.

The drive to Club Americana was a short one. Ron drove the 1937 Plymouth into the aging industrial park. The front of Club Americana was nothing more than the remnants of an old aging warehouse. So if one was looking to raid an illegal gambling hall they wouldn't look twice at the building it was actually inside.

Ron pulled the Plymouth around the back and parked in an alley pointing away from the building. He stepped out of car and winced as he heard gravel crunching under his feet, _"No way to sneak up on someone here."_ He thought as he locked the driver's door.

Rufus popped out of the pocket of his trench coat, scampered up his shoulder and onto the roof of the large automobile. Ron winked at Rufus, "We need to get you a little coat and hat."

He grinned but said nothing as he watched Ronnie Diamond primped and preened for work.

Ron opened the back door of the car and threw his fedora inside along with his coat and trench coat. Next he took a white dinner jacket off of the hanger and slipped it on. He surveyed himself in the Plymouth's large side mirror. Ron slicked back his hair, examined the large bruise that forming on his jaw, _"Man, that's going to be there a while."_

Quickly reaching into the backseat he pulled out a bottle of Aqua Velva and splashed some of the aftershave lotion on his face. Ron made one final check on his appearance in the mirror, gave himself a lopsided grin, _"Good looking slab of a man." _He thought as he picked up Rufus and placed him in his pocket before turning to walk towards the secret entrance of the club.

After he gave his usual shave and a haircut knock on the door a small panel slid open to reveal two eyes. He was recognized immediately, "Ah, Mr. Diamond..." The voice said from the other side of the door.

The latches on the three dead bolt locks were turned and the door opened, "Good evening Tony. How's tricks?"

"Mr. Diamond, it's a good thing you're here. Big Joey Colombo from Akron is playing poker and winning a lot of money." The doorman told Ron anxiously.

"Well that's kind of the idea of playing poker isn't it?" Ron asked offhandedly as he glanced around the casino.

The doorman nodded and cleared his throat nervously, "It's...it's just that he's winning an awful lot and The Kid and Texas Bob believe he's cheating. They just can't figure out how."

"If they think he's cheating, why didn't they say anything about it?" Ron asked a twinge of annoyance in his voice.

The doorman swallowed hard before answering nervously, "Be...because Joey Colombo is a killer."

Ron turned abruptly towards the short balding man, "Well, what's he doing here then? Shouldn't he be out killing someone or something?"

The man opened his mouth but nothing came out.

"I'll check it out." Ron said as he worked his way towards the bar.

"What are you drinking Mr. Diamond?" The bartender asked.

"Whiskey neat, Floyd." Ron answered as he smiled and nodded towards a middle aged lady in a black evening gown.

"Here ya go." Floyd said as he handed Ron his drink.

"Thank you Floyd." Ron said absently as he walked towards the poker table in the back.

Texas Bob, Ken 'The Kid' Kaminski, Bennie the Moocher, and a very large powerfully built man that Ron guessed was Joey Colombo were all sitting around the poker table. The largest stack of chips also just happened to be on Joey's side of the table.

"Full house again folks." The large dark haired man gloated happily.

Texas Bob stroked his large bushy mustache before taking off his hat to scoop up his remaining chips, "I'm calling it a night."

Joey Colombo narrowed his eyes, opened his suit coat just enough to show Texas Bob that he was armed. Texas Bob saw the move and froze, "Sit down Bob, you still got money." The man said with an oily friendliness that set Ronnie Diamond's teeth on edge.

Texas Bob nodded weakly, then dumped his chips back onto the table, "I...I suppose another hand wouldn't hurt."

Ron sat down across from where Joey Colombo was operating. He watched the man carefully as he dealt the next hand, _"I don't think he's card counting...Definitely not palming the cards."_ He thought as Joey dealt the cards around the table.

The large man glance towards Ron, "You want to sit in? I could use a fresh source of money?'

Then it happened, Ron spotted the man's gimmick. He smiled slyly, stood up from the table and made his way over towards the poker table. He motioned towards the shiny Ipod the man had lying next to him on the table, "Nice cigarette case. Mind if I look at it?"

Joey Colombo's eyes fixed on Ron, "It's Ipod and no, you can't look at it. So sit down kid and let me deal you in."

Ron smirked, "I only play cards where I know I can get a fair shake."

Colombo's temper flared and he began to edge towards the waistband of his pants with his right hand, "You accusing me of being a cheat?"

"Yea" Ron pointed towards the shiny silver Ipod, "When you're dealing, your looking at the reflection of the cards on that cigarette case. You know what everyone's holding before they even have a chance to ante up." Ron said moving his right hand towards the pocket of his dinner jacket where Rufus was hidden.

"I'll be damned." Texas Bob muttered.

"That's a bunch of bull." The man snarled as he continued to slowly move his hand towards his waistband.

Ron was faster, he reached into his pocket, grabbed Rufus and pushed him forward to make Joey think he had a rather large pistol in his pocket. Rufus was up to the game. He made a click, click, noise that froze everyone at the table in their places.

Joey looked into the cold, cruel, brown eyes of Ronnie Diamond. He wasn't sure if he really had a gun or was just bluffing. Joey narrowed his own eyes. He didn't know who this blonde kid was, but he knew he was a hardened killer.

"A kid like you could end up being squashed like a bug." He said menacingly.

"A fat slob like you could end up sprayed all over that back wall." Ron countered.

The two stared at each other for a long moment before Joey Colombo eased his gun hand away from the pistol he had hidden in the waistband of his pants. Joey grinned, "Alright kid, how do you want to play this?"

Ron's eyes remained cold and emotionless, "Left hand, two fingers and two fingers only, put the piece on the table." He said coldly.

Joey Colombo chuckled, "You win for now kid. Next time...I'll kill ya."

He watched the big man drop the large semiautomatic pistol on the table. It made a loud thud as it landed on the table. Ron reached over quickly and pocketed the gun. Then he pulled Rufus from his pocket.

"Bang, Bang" Rufus said before breaking into a fit of giggles at the man's expense.

Joey Colombo growled and lunged for Ron just as Jake and Elwood the club bouncers grabbed him and pullet him towards the exit.

'YOU'RE DEAD KID, DEAD!"

Ron smirked and pointed towards Joey's chips, "Split it up guys."

For the first time in Ronnie Diamond's short memory he saw Texas Bob smile. The large man took off his cowboy hat and threw it in the air, "YEEEEEEEHAWWWWW! That was some bluff Diamond."

Ken 'The Kid' Kaminski motioned towards the empty seat, "Sit in hand Diamond. I'm sure we can spot you a thousand from Colombo's money."

Bennie the Moocher grinned, "So how did you know he was going to back down?"

Ronnie Diamond grinned as he took his seat, "I knew he'd fold because he only liked to play when he knew the outcome." He looked around the table, grinned and patted the pocket where he kept Rufus, "...I made the outcome less certain."

A waiter quickly entered the room and whispered into Ron's ear, "There's a blonde girl in the lounge that would like to see you."

He lifted an eyebrow and held up his hand before The Kid could deal, "A blonde, huh?"

The man nodded his head, "Yes Mr. Diamond."

Ron grinned, "Sorry boys, I have to sit this one out." He winked at the table, "I have a case of blonde ambition waiting on me."

The guys laughed and thanked Ronnie Diamond for catching the cheat before he left the room. Ron stopped by the bar, "Two whiskeys neat, Floyd."

While Floyd was mixing his drinks, Tony the doorman walked up and whispered into Ron's ear, "Joey Colombo is in town on some job for the Middleton Museum of Science. He says after he finishes that job, he's going to be gunning for you."

Ronnie Diamond lifted an eyebrow, "Really? What's a hairball like that doing around a class place like a museum?" He wondered before taking his drinks, "Thanks for the info Tony."

_"I'll have to tell the Kid about __Colombo__."_ He thought as he walked back towards the piano lounge. Then he stopped and tilted his head to one side, _"Have to tell her on Monday. Hope she's still not sore at me. I mean after all we're just friends. At least I thought we were?"_

The door to the empty lounge stood ajar. Ron pushed the door open and stepped inside. His jaw hit the floor. There stood Tara in a full length silver sequined evening gown. He hair and make up were perfect, as she was dressed to resembling a very young Marilyn Monroe.

Ronnie Diamond's hands began to shake as he handed her a drink. Tara took the drink and ran her finger around the rim of the glass, "Is this drink for me Ronnie?" She asked breathlessly.

His head began to bob up quickly, "Uh huh!"

Tara down it in one gulp and threw the glass aside, "I've got a..." She leaned forward to allow Ron to see her cleavage, "...question for you Ronnie."

"Oh...OK..." Ron said anxiously.

Her soft sexy voice was now gone. It was replaced by her normal high school voice, "Have you seen Bonnie lately?"

Ron blinked and then felt the large bruise on his chin before he answered, "Uh...no, no, haven't seen Bonnie in ages..."

Tara smiled, "Good, good, ooh you've been injured..." She said soothingly as she stroked his chin.

He swallowed hard and nodded his head, "Yea, yea...uh...I punched myself shaving..."

"You poor dear, let me kiss it and make it better." Tara said in a low sultry voice.

Ron licked his lips and leaned forward to kiss Tara. She kissed him once, twice, three times and then pulled away from him. Ron stared into her deep blue eyes and grinned nervously, "So...so what brings you to my club?"

Tara grinned, "I...I need your help. You see...I've lost my panties and I can't find them anywhere...in this room."

"Oh?" Ron replied, glancing around, "There...there seems to be a lot of that going around these days."

Tara stepped past Ron to the double doors of the empty lounge and turned the bolt on the deadbolt lock. She sauntered towards Ron, dipping her shoulder to allow the strap of her evening gown to slip off of her left arm, then her right arm.

Tara's dress fell to floor and Ron gasped as he took in Tara's nudity, "Holy Cats!"

A nimble figure dressed in black slipped past the man at the door and slipped into the nightclub. She knew from her sources inside Middleton High School that this is where Ronald Stoppable, the chosen one, was working.

The small delicate figure clung to the shadows narrowing her eyes, scanning the premises for the one she sought. She carefully slipped past the room where men sat playing cards. No one looked up, no one noticed her existence. Past the man serving alcoholic beverages also unseen, she slipped behind the two large security men. They never blinked or took notice of anything out of the unusual.

A noise caught her attention. It sounded like a gasp to her ears. Near the back of the room she spotted a pair of double doors that were closed. She slipped noiselessly to the doors and jiggled the handle. It was locked. A cry escaped from the room. Her head shot up trying to discern what the noise was in the darkness.

Then a smile crossed her lips as she realized what must be happening behind the closed doors. _"Stoppable San is practicing his cries of courage. It is good to see him honing his skills."_ She thought as she slipped away from the door.

The black clad ninja slipped carefully away from the door so as not to disturb the chosen one in his training. She carefully made her way towards a row of doors. She turned the knob on the door marked 'Manager', it was unlocked. A smile crossed her face as she slipped inside to await the arrival of the chosen one.

Two hours later Ron escorted Tara to the entrance of the club. Tara looked rumbled as she grinned stupidly. She turned her flushed face towards Ron, "You'll call me, won't you Ronnie?"

Ron grinned, "Oh yea Doll, everyday..." He said softly as he led her to the door.

A car pulled up outside, "My dad's picking me up. Do you want to come outside and meet him?"

"Ahhhhh" Ron said as he stared at the car waiting outside while rubbing his bruised jaw, "Some other time. I'm kind of working now." He reminded her.

Tara giggled, "Oh yea...I had a great ride..." She giggled sweetly, "I mean time. You moved me Ronnie." She kissed him on the cheek and waved as she walked out of the building.

Ron exhaled sharply, _"Yea, moved you right out the door. With you smelling like alcohol, I don't think meeting her dad would have been a real good idea."_ He thought as he watched her get into her dad's car.

He turned and walked back towards his office deep in thought, _"Now why would a hired gun like __Colombo__ have anything to do with the __Middleton_ _Museum__ of Science?"_

"Mr. Diamond..." A man said handing Ron a clipboard.

Ron looked it over. It was an inventory of all of their remaining supply of liquor. He scanned the list and handed it back to the man, "You ordered what we're low on Gene?"

"Of course Mr. Diamond." The man answered stoically.

"Fine, fine..." Ron mumbled as he continued towards his office.

_"So after he's done with the museum he's going to come gunning for me, eh'_?" Ron turned the knob on the door and stepped inside.

He patted his left pocket and felt the comforting weight of a pistol, _"Well at least I'll be able to shoot back."_

Ron switched on the light as he walked to his desk, "Big fat slob thinks I'm scarred of him. Ronnie Diamond is scarred of nothing..."

"Stoppable San..."

"Aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Ron screamed, spun in the air at the sound of the voice from the corner of his office. He dug into his right pocket and pulled Rufus out. He brandished the naked mole rat around the room as Rufus sprang into action, "Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang..."

Ron froze when he saw Yori emerge from the shadows, _"The Asian girl..."_

Yori covered her mouth as she giggled, "I see you are honing your skills by practicing your screams of courage."

_"Hey she's kind of cute..."_ He thought as he continued to stare at the girl still pointing Rufus at her. Rufus recognizing Yori smiled and waved, _"hnk' Hello!"_

When at last Ron found his voice he shook Rufus at the young ninja, "Yes, yes that...is precisely what I was doing...screams of courage..."

"I walked by a room earlier and heard you practicing your cries in there as well." Yori said happily.

Ron tilted his head and then understood what Yori was talking about. She had overheard him when he was with Tara in the piano lounge. He quickly pocketed Rufus, "Yes, yes, that is what I was doing in there...too."

Yori continued to smile at him, "You look very elegant in your white dinner jacket."

He felt ten feet tall after hearing Yori's compliment, "Thanks Doll, you look pretty snazzy yourself in that sequined black strapless dress."

Yori held her hand up in front of her face to stifle a giggle. She was blushing, feeling awkward until she remembered the reason why she had come. Her whole manner changed as she brought both hands down and clasped them in front of her, "Stoppable San, I require your assistance."

Ron sat on the edge of his desk, taking a toothpick out of his pocket he grinned, "The name is Diamond, Ronnie Diamond."

She tilted her head, obviously confused, "You are not Ronald Stoppable, The Chosen One?"

A wide Cheshire cat grin spread across Ronnie Diamond's face, "For you Doll, I could be."

Yori took a step forward, unsure about how she should proceed, "Sensei is missing..."

Ron gave her a furtive look as he rubbed his chin, _"Sensei must be Japanese for panties."_

"Ya know there's a lot of that going around these days."

She nodded her head sadly, "I need your help most desperately."

_"How do ya like that? Three girls in two days, am I the luckiest stiff on the planet or what?"_ He thought as he took her into his arms.

A look of confusion crossed Yori's face as Ron embraced her, "Stoppable San what are you doing?"

"Helping you find your Sensei, baby." Ron said with a lascivious grin on his face as he ran his hand up Yori's thigh.

Yori instinctively sprang into action. She drove a knee into Ron's stomach, stepped behind him as she grabbed him by the hair on the back of his head as she took him to the ground. Ron was now flat on his back with Yori on top of him pressing her elbow to his throat.

Ronnie Diamond blinked as he looked into Yori's, serious, deadly black eyes, "Uh...Let me guess. Sensei isn't Japanese for panties?"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: The wait is over. Ronnie Diamond Chapter 4 is finished. Hope you all enjoy it.**

**Many thanks to Trekkifulron for beta reading my chapter for me. **

**Also many thanks to Limby, The Real Sidekick, Spectre666, CajunBear73, BigHerb81, TheOtherDave, Heero McCloud, GSinus, The Creeping Spleen, Aedon Cameron, Ace Ian Combat, Zaratan, Akinyi, Joe Stoppinghem, Dutchman, Whitem...(Pause for a breath)...Yvj, Dante Cell, Zardoz101, Daeron Blackoak, Scotty Boi, LoneStarr, Zeerak, DJ Duncan, Yankee Bard, DuffKilliganfan, Ishamu, Scare Glow, (Pause for another breath)...Daeron Blackoak, Drakonis Aurous, Ace In Combat for your reviws.**

**Write a review receive a reply.**

**Bubba**

* * *

Bonnie Rockwaller had received word that a certain angry red headed cheerleader was pursuing her with murder on her mind. She took refuge in Upperton, with her aunt for a weekend long shopping trip. She just couldn't figure out why Kim was so angry. She had never shown any interest in the buffoon until now. 

She shook her head, _"No time to think about this now. Just steer clear of her until later in the day."_

Now unfortunately it was Monday morning and it was time to face the music. She walked into school and spotted a very happy, satisfied looking Tara waiting for her by her locker. She smirked at the blonde, "What are you so happy about?"

Tara smiled wistfully, "I was with Ronnie on Saturday night."

"So" Bonnie said absently as she dug through her locker, while keeping an eye peeled for Kim.

Tara's smile grew wider, "So you lost the bet."

Bonnie grinned back shaking her head, "Nope, nailed him Friday night. You lost."

Tara lost her smile, "But...but...he said he...he hadn't seen you."

"Oh please Tara, if he thinks he can get some action he'd lie about not seeing me." Bonnie told her as she tried hard not to sound too condescending.

"I'm not going to buy it until I hear it from Ronnie Diamond himself" she said as she turned to walk away.

"Hold on, hold on, where are you going?" Bonnie asked suddenly becoming very nervous.

"To find Ronnie." the blonde said.

Bonnie looked around thinking about Kim, thinking about all the damage Kim could do to her in very short order. "Ah, I...I don't think that'd be a very good idea."

"...and why not?" Tara said bristling at her brunette rival.

"Because Kim, kind of, sort of, wants to pound both of us." Bonnie said quietly so know one else could hear.

Tara looked shocked, "Why? I mean she and Ronnie are just friends right?"

Bonnie shrugged, "I don't know. I think maybe she's takin' one to many head butts or something."

Tara thought it over, "Maybe, maybe...I can wait."

**

* * *

**

Ronnie Diamond pursued a very determined and very upset Kim Possible down the hallway. Students scattered after they glimpsed the jealous rage that radiated in her eyes. It was there for everyone to see except for a certain wise guy detective, who either didn't notice or just refused to acknowledge it.

"Come on Kid, calm down. So a couple of dames like me, big deal." Ron said as he tried to get in front of Kim.

She pushed him aside and continued her girl hunt with the same intensity. Ron continued to pursue her, "Come on Kid, you ain't said nothin' to me all mornin'."

Kim abruptly pulled up to a halt when she spotted her friend Monique. She narrowed her eyes and looked the African American girl over. She looked different somehow but she couldn't quite place what was different. Then it came to her, _"She's wearing designer clothes and make up. She's after Ron too."_

Ronnie Diamond noticed Monique's outfit. He stepped from behind Kim to greet her, "Hi ya, Monique." He gave her a wolf's whistle as he looked her over appreciatively, "Ain't you a picture..."

Kim growled in a low threatening voice, "Monique!"

Monique ignored her, "Oh hi Ronnie, I heard you had a long...hard...weekend." She said to him breathlessly.

"Monique!" Kim tried once again to make her retreat.

Ron took off his fedora, "Well, it was eventful. Did you know that Sensei isn't Japanese for panties?"

"OK?" Monique said curiously, trying to figure out what that had to do with anything.

"You sure do look swell." Ron said as he walked around her.

Monique batted her eyes innocently, "Thank you Ronnie, the dress is Prada."

Ron nodded, "That's Russian or something, right?"

"Or something..." Monique said coyly.

"Monique!" Kim growled again.

She glanced towards the angry red head and said, "Later Kim..." Monique turned her attention back to Ron and recited a passage of poetry.

"_If you could see inside my soul  
see inside my heart  
you would know how I long for you  
whenever we're apart" _

Ron grinned and took the ever present toothpick from his mouth and responded.

"_If you could see inside my head  
if thoughts were things to see  
you would know how I cherish you  
how much you mean to me"_

"Monique!" Kim tried once again as her face turned a bright crimson red.

She had tuned Kim out. She was so focused on Ronnie Diamond's poetic charm as she recited.

"_In all the ways you comfort me  
the way you hold me near  
the way you know just what to do  
to chase away my fear"_

He blushed and gestured with his toothpick nervously.

"_The sparkle in your beautiful eyes  
your smile, laugh, your touch  
are just a few of many reasons  
I love you oh so much"_

Monique gasped, "Oh my..."

"RON!"

"SHUT UP KIM!" Monique snapped before returning her affections to Ronnie Diamond.

"_Knowing I can talk to you  
about any and everything  
and knowing together we will get  
through whatever life may bring"_

Ronnie Diamond smiled and added the next stanza.

"_I could search the whole world over  
and this I know is true  
I would never find another love  
like the love I found with you"_

Monique overcome with passion screamed, "KISS ME WHITE BOY!" as she threw herself into Ronnie Diamond's arms to deliver the most passionate kiss of her young life.

"MONIQUE!" Kim screamed.

She finally broke off the kiss gasping for air. She peered glassy eyed at Ron. Then turned to face Kim, "I...I have to go to class now...bye bye." She said airily as she turned floated away as if she were on a cloud.

Kim was now fuming as she turned her attention to Ron, "EXPLAIN!"

Ron grinned nervously as he took a step back, "Hee, hee, hee, that Monique's a real kidder isn't she?"

The bell sounded. Kim took that as a signal to throw a punch at Ron's head. He stepped aside quickly so Kim touched nothing but air with her punch, "I was ready for you that time, Kid."

Kim growled, "What was all that with Monique about?"

"What? Doesn't everybody read poems by Jay Scott?" Ron countered defensively.

"Not that, the whole kissing thing and then the whole Bonnie thing." Kim hissed as Ron turned and walked towards their first class.

"Kid, what's it to you? You know we're just friends." Ron reminded her.

Kim fumed for a bit as they entered the classroom, "This is soooooo not over."

**

* * *

**

The morning classes passed slowly for Kim. Ron continuously found ways to avoid her in the hallways, also when she would catch up to him. She would find him and Monique gazing into each others eyes reciting poetry.

Finally it was time for lunch. Monique made sure to push her way in between Kim and Ronnie Diamond so she could continue to flirt with him. Ron grinned and tilted his fedora back on his head. He was enjoying the attention being lavished upon him by Monique.

Once he reached the food line Ron stopped paying attention to everyone, except for Rufus, "Look at this Pal, double cheese pizza day."

Rufus popped out of Ron's trench coat pocket and gazed wide eyed at the day's special, "Cheeeeeeeeeese!"

Monique waved a hand in front of Ron's face and then sighed, "Figures, he loves pizza more than me."

Kim smirked, "Serves you right."

"Hey lady, we'll take as many of those double cheese pizzas as you can dish out." Ron told the woman as he motioned towards the special board with his toothpick.

Now with food in hand the group made their way towards their usual dinning spot. Monique and Kim looked on in utter horror as Ron and Rufus made quick work of the pizza. Ronnie Diamond leaned back in his chair patted his stomach and let out a loud belch.

"Sorry ladies, I just had to show appreciation for the fine food this place serves."

Kim grimaced, "I think I've lost my apatite."

Monique nodded, "Me too, girl."

Ron smile disappeared as he looked up and saw both Bonnie and Tara heading his way. He sat up quickly, "Well ladies, I hate to eat and run but..."

A loud scream from multiple sources interrupted Ron. All three turned and watched a crowd of people pointing to a wall just behind the cafeteria lady. Kim frowned, "We better check it out."

"On my way, Kid." Ron said as he dashed away from the table.

A translucent green figure had materialized behind the counter. It was in the process of writing a message. Monique gasped and took hold of Ron's arm, much to Kim's dismay, "I...I think it's for you Ron."

Ronnie Diamond screwed up his face as he tried to decipher the writing, "Nope, not me. Some guy named Ron Stoppable..."

Kim frowned, "It's being written in mystery meat gravy."

"Really? I would have used ketchup." Ron stated offhandedly.

With that being said he turned and quickly left the cafeteria. He had to get to his locker for a planned meeting with a gorgeous new client, who wished to remain anonymous. Unfortunately for Ron his departure did not go unnoticed. Bonnie and Tara quickly left in pursuit. Kim noticed the pair and began her own pursuit, followed by Monique, who just didn't want to be left out.

Ron turned to the left upon leaving the cafeteria and headed down the hallway towards his locker. He smiled as he saw a vision of Asian loveliness standing beside his locker. She was dressed in a Japanese school girl uniform, white blouse, plaid mini skirt, red scarf tied neatly at the neck. The outfit appeared to be almost two sizes too small. Ronnie Diamond found the outfit to be most pleasing.

"Hey Yori, glad you could find my locker." Ron said with a lecherous grin as he took in the Asian girl's female form.

"Stoppable San, We found this clue in Sensei's quarters after he was taken." She told him urgently as she thrust an envelope towards him.

Ron opened the envelope, "Looks like hair or fur or something." He said quietly as he continued to examine the clue. He took a sniff and made a face, "Stinky too."

"All right Ron, spill." Bonnie said angrily.

Ron jumped into the air and turned to face four very upset looking girls, "Ah...Yes, you are wondering about...her." He said as he gestured towards Yori.

Yori frowned and narrowed her eyes at the other girls. Ron was silent for a moment before he continued his explanation, "This...ummm...Who are you girl I have never seen before?"

Yori now turned and frowned at Ron. Kim shook her head, "We heard you call her Yori."

"Spill Ron..." Bonnie said menacingly again.

Ronnie Diamond took off his fedora and wiped the sweat off his brow with the sleeve of his trench coat, "Well Yori's a common Japanese name and...uhhhhh...You guys remember her from 7th period history...right?"

All 4 girls folded their arms and glowered at Ronnie Diamond. Ron held up his hands in defeat, "It's no use trying to pretend any longer. I might as well come clean..."

"Stoppable San, remember your promise..." Yori said nervously in a low voice.

"You see I was reading Look magazine about a huge famine thing in Japan. I felt sorry for those poor folks so I filled out an ad in the back of the magazine." Ron put his arm around Yori's waist and pulled her to him.

Kim, Bonnie, Tara and Monique all continued to burn holes into the couple as Ron paused trying to keep his story straight as his hand drifted down her waist towards her bottom. "...So you see guys...Yori is my mail order bride."

Yori's nimble ninja hand quickly intercepted Ronnie Diamond's wondering hand and returned it to her waist as the other girls took in what Ron had just told them. Finally Monique broke the silence, "That is the biggest load of BULL..." Monique broke off the curse word and then lowered her voice a bit, "We ain't buyin', trench coat boy."

Ronnie Diamond chuckled nervously, "You guys are pretty sharp. Thought you were all buying it for a second..." He took Yori by the arm and quickly led her away, "Well we have to go, see ya in the funny pages."

Now three sets of eyes turned to Kim. She took a step back, "What?"

Monique growled, "You know what."

Bonnie nodded her head, "Find out..."

"...who she is." Tara finished up.

**

* * *

**

"Stoppable San there is no need to fear..."

Ronnie Diamond sat in a chair at the loading gate for Ninja Airlines. His hands griped the armrests of his seat to the point his knuckles turned white from the pressure. His eyes were large as he looked out the Airports window at the large jumbo jet in front of him.

"It's Diamond San and I ain't getting onto no steel bird unless I see some propellers." He explained.

Yori pursed her lips and moved in front of him. She knew she had to do something and quickly, "Stoppable San...I mean Diamond San do you see the large engines under the wings?"

"Yea?" Ron said as he leaned around Yori to look out the window.

"The propellers are on the inside." She explained trying hard to sound convincing.

Ron looked up at her, "You sure Doll?"

"I am most certain, Stop...Diamond San." Yori said with a reassuring grin.

He nodded his head and stood up. His emotions were buoyed as he watched a large jumbo jet taking off from another runway. Ron smiled nervously as he rose from his seat, "I wasn't really scared...I was just...testing you. You know how it is?"

Yori gave him a curious look before she motioned towards her luggage, "It will be your honor to carry the bags."

Ronnie Diamond grinned, "Women and your makeup bags. Which one do you really need?"

She tilted her head, "This one is most important."

"Fine..." Ron said as he picked up the one bag to go with his. "You don't want to be lugging all this junk around. What happens if we have to scram? All this stuff just gets in the way." He said as he turned and walked towards the loading gate.

Yori's protested, "But it is your honor too..."

"Honor, Schmonor, just wait till you get my bill for this little job." He said just before he disappeared into the plane.

**

* * *

**

The locker door flung open with a resounding clang. She reached inside and pushed a few buttons on the computer that was housed inside. Wade Load the 12 year old computer genius that filtered Kim Possible's missions and handled the day to day nuts and bolts operation of Team Possible appeared on the monitor.

"Hey Kim, Problem?" He asked nervously as he saw the angry look on Kim's face.

"WADE! YORI, WHO IS?" Kim barked at the boy.

Wade blinked and pointed to himself, "Wade, me..." Then he shrugged, "Yori, don't know?"

Kim let out a deep breath, "Wade, Ron left school with a girl named Yori. She's Japanese and I think she's in league with Drakken."

Monique lifted an eyebrow as she looked over Kim's shoulder into the locker, "We do?"

"Sssshhhhhhhh" Kim said impatiently.

Wade typed furiously on the computer keyboard. His face was a mask of deep concentration as he worked. "No record of any girl named Yori at any known Japanese schools."

"Ah ha, that means she's up to no good." Kim said triumphantly.

"It does?" Wade and Monique said at the same time.

Kim smiled sheepishly, "Well it's more a theory."

"I'd say it was jumping to a conclusion." Wade said with a mischievous grin.

"WADE!" Kim said impatiently.

"All right, all right keep your kimono on." Wade said as he went back to work.

"So not funny."

Monique grinned, "I thought it was."

"You would. This is all just too weird."

"Secret girlfriend weird?" Monique asked cautiously.

"No, after all he'd tell me." Kim said anxiously.

Monique chuckled, "No he wouldn't, he'd be afraid you'd go all green eyed."

"I've always had green eyes." Kim said defensively.

She rolled her eyes, "As in jealous."

"I am not jealous." Kim said irritably.

"Yea, you're jellin'..."

Wade broke into the conversation, "No listing for a Yori at any known school in Japan. I better try all the unknown schools."

Kim was taken aback, "You can do that."

Wade nodded, "Ah, here it is. Yori is a Junior at the Yamanouchi Academy, she's 5'3, into martial arts, loves butterfly's, Cheap Trick and she thinks a blonde headed American boy known as the Chosen One is way cute."

Monique and Kim looked at one another. Kim looked back at Wade, "You got all that from searching unknown schools?"

He grinned sheepishly, "No, I found her Myspace Page."

"Yamanouchi, isn't that where Ron went for a week last year?" Monique asked.

Kim's blood began to boil as she balled up her fists, "I knew he crushed on somebody when he was there."

"Kim?" Monique and Wade spoke at once.

Monique quickly pointed to the monitor, "Jinx you owe me a soda."

Wade grimaced, "Didn't see that coming."

"Where's Ron now?" Kim asked as a dangerous smile crossed her face.

"Uh...Somewhere over the Amazon Rain Forest." Wade told her.

Kim rolled her eyes, "What doesn't this girl have anything better to do than drag Ron all over the planet?"

Monique and Wade giggled, "Sounds kind of familiar doesn't it." Wade said.

"Kind of the pot calling the kettle black..." Monique added.

Kim wasn't paying attention, "Wade, I need a ride to the Rain Forrest."

**

* * *

**

The plane landed in San Paulo Brazil. Yori was busy trying to secure transportation into the deepest darkest parts of the Rain Forrest. Ronnie Diamond however had ideas all of his own. He spotted an attractive girl at a reservation counter and approached her.

"Hey toots, I'm looking for a good bar that'll serve a mean glass of hooch to a 16 year old kid."

The woman smirked at the teenager wearing the blue pinstriped suite and a fedora that sat on top of his head at just the right jaunty angle. He held his trench coat over one arm and toothpick clutched between his immaculate white teeth.

"You come to Brazil for business or pleasure?"

Ronnie Diamond lifted an eyebrow, "Well it was business but if you can blow out of the place for a while...You know." He told her confidently as he lifted his eyebrows.

The woman shook her head, "That is not going to be possible. However the bar you seek is called the Fidel, but be warned it is filled with cut throats and gangsters."

"Sounds like my kind of place." Diamond said happily as he turned to find Yori glaring at him.

"You are wasting valuable time. We must leave now. I have secured an SUV to take us to the edge of the Rain Forrest where we will hike for 10 maybe 20 miles to Monkey Fists lair."

Ronnie Diamond gulped, "Uh, Doll, not that I'm arguing are anything but wouldn't it be easier to see if he's there first?"

Yori looked at him perplexed. So Ron explained further, "Look we trudge all the way out there to find this guy and he's not there, then what?"

"It will be our honor to keep searching then." Yori said firmly.

"You're missing the big picture Doll. Supposes there was a way to find out before we leave?" Ron explained as he motioned with his hands hoping that she would understand.

Suddenly a light went off in the young ninja's head, "Ahhhhhh, that is very logical. No wonder you are the chosen one."

Ronnie Diamond blushed as he rubbed the back of his neck, "Well, I don't know about all that..."

"It will be your honor to carry the bags and follow me." She said urgently as she turned and strode off away from their gate.

He smirked at the bags, _"I'm startin' to think that Dame is screwy."_

**

* * *

**

The couple stood in the setting sun outside an old corrugated steel building. The building looked as though it could collapse from age and neglect at any moment. They could hear steel kettle drums playing from inside. Every now and then the early evening would be punctuated by the sounds of gunfire and the occasional scream. This was not the best of neighborhoods, but it was just the kind of place Ronnie Diamond could come to for answers.

He bent down and opened his bag. He pulled out his Middleton Mad Dogs mascot head. Yori lifted an eyebrow of concern. Ron smiled, "A little disguise, you never know, I might owe someone money in there."

"Maybe I should go in with you, Stoppable San?" Yori offered.

The boy in the dogs mask shook his head, "Diamond, I keep telling ya. Anyway this is way too dangerous for a small girl like you. You stay here and keep out of sight."

The teenage boy in the Mad Dog mask opened the wooden front door of the dark dingy bar. The décor was simple, Cuban revolutionary. Broken down wooden tables, dry rotting chairs, pictures of Fidel Castro and Che Guevara hung on the wall. Ron took in the surroundings, _"Now this is a dive." _

He was noticed. Suddenly the music stopped as all attention focused on the kid as he walked up to the bar. He nodded to the bartender, "Whiskey...neat."

The bartender with a heavy accent snarled, "We do not serve Yankee Pig Dogs in here."

A large breasted woman in her mid thirties walked up next to the boy in the dog mask and held up a hand, "Hector, server him while I find out what he wants here."

The woman then turned her attention back to Ron. She looked him up and down sizing him up, "You are not from around here are you?"

Ronnie Diamond could not see clearly from inside the mask but he did see pleased him. The dark haired beauty wore heavy makeup. It was obvious to the knowledgeable that she was trying to hide her age. She was a street walker on the downhill slide of her profession, still trying to look young to stay in the business.

She wore denim cutoff shorts that rode up the crack of her butt with a pair flip flops that barely kept her from being barefoot. This would have impressed Ron if he could have seen her from behind but his attention was riveted to her large ample breasts that were straining to escape the confines of a thread bear t-shirt. The shirt was old and dingy gray. It featured a faded screen printed design of an arrow pointing to the left that read, I'm with stupid.

A muffled voice croaked nervously from the mask, "Wha...what makes you think that?"

The woman pulled gently on the exposed red tongue that hung out of the dog's mouth, "We don't see many...men? Wearing dog heads."

Ron's own tongue hung out from inside the mask. To him she had the southing voice of an angel from south of the border, "Don't worry Sister. I'm one hundred percent grade 'A' American man under the mask." The muffled voice told her.

The woman smiled, "So what brings you to our little club? Looking for a girl to party with, perhaps?" She said as she stroked Ron's arm.

"Uh...uh...Yea, parties are great...uh...I'm looking for a man about a monkey." He said nervously before catching himself, "No, no that's not right...I'm looking for a Monkey Man about a man...I think?"

The woman's whole demeanor changed. Her smile left her face and her shoulders slumped, "Ugh, Monkey Fist. He owes us all money, promised to pay and then skipped the country."

The bartender sat a shot glass of whiskey in front of Ron. He picked it up and realized he couldn't drink it from underneath the mask. So bent his head down and pretended to lap at the drink with the dog masks red tongue. He sat the glass on the bar, "It's very good."

He turned his attention back to the lady of the evening, "So, I didn't catch your name?"

"What do you want it to be?" The woman asked with a grin.

Ron wasn't counting on that response so he gave her the first name that popped into his head, "Kim, Kim's a swell name. So any information on where Monkey Man went off to?"

"I like Kim, I will be Kim." The woman said happily. Then she frowned once again, "I many things but...I just can't remember." She said sadly.

The boy in the dog mask nodded his head. He clearly understood the game as he fished a twenty from his pocket, "This help the memory any?"

She snatched the $20 bill from his hand, "Yes, he and his rude, smelly monkey assistants left here about a week ago."

"You know where they went?" Ronnie Diamond asked suddenly becoming all business.

The woman put a hand to her head, "I think I remember..." Ron held up another $20 that she quickly snatched. "It is said that he is near Tucson, AZ in an old zoo."

Ron slapped the top of his dog mask, "Genius, pure genius, hide the monkeys in plain sight in a zoo. No wonder he's my arch foe."

The woman named Kim licked her lips, aroused by the masculine power radiating from beneath the dog mask, "I...I didn't catch your name."

He reached out, wrapping his arms around the woman's waist, pulling her close, "Diamond Ronnie Diamond."

Her nostrils flared, her head was light. She became dizzy with lust, "You are the kind of Yankee Pig Dog I have so longed for."

Ronnie Diamond pulled her tighter to him, "...and you are the kind of big breasted trollop any 16 year old boy dreams of meeting."

"KISS ME PIG DOG!" The woman cried.

Before Ronnie Diamond could seal the deal the woman was unexpectedly yanked from his grasp. The street walker named Kim screamed as a young Japanese ninja flung her across the room.

"You have much explaining to do." She said trying her best to keep her voice calm.

The street walker named Kim crashed into the steel drum players, who crashed into a group of poker players. Suddenly a fight erupted. Chairs and tables were turned over as patrons began to fight.

Ronnie Diamond was oblivious to the fight as he tried to explain himself, "You got me all wrong Doll, I was just questioning her."

Yori tugged him forward just in time to keep him from being struck in the head with a chair. She snapped kicked a man with a large knife sending him flying. She turned back to Ronnie Diamond, "Stoppable San does questioning include kissing?"

A large man approached from Ron's left. He saw the threat and grabbed the man by the shirt with his left hand before punching him hard in the mouth. The man staggered backwards into the melee in the center of the bar. He turned towards Yori, "I know where Sensei is." He said desperately.

Yori brought her knee up hard into the street walker's gut, "That is wonderful Stoppable San. You are truly the Chosen One."

The San Paulo Police pushed into the bar. Yori saw them coming and reached into the pouch of her utility bag and produced a small black ball. She threw it to the ground hard, a thick cloud of black smoke erupted from inside. She grabbed Ronnie Diamond by the arm as the police came forward to arrest them.

All attention in the bar was now focused on the black smoke. As it cleared it had become clear to all that the young female ninja and the dog faced private eye had vanished into thin air.

**

* * *

**

The SUV drove the couple back to the airport. Yori was questioning Ron for all the information he had learned, "So that is the type of woman you find pleasing?" She said coldly.

"No, no, Ronnie Diamond isn't swayed by any loose round heeled woman that will fall on her back for just anyone." He explained.

Yori was not buying into his story. She turned away from him and shook her head, "If I had not been there to save you, I think you would have fallen right on top of her."

"Aw, Doll, your killing me here, it was just a rouse to gain information, nothing more." He told her.

Yori frown grew longer, "So you say you know where Sensei is?"

"Yea, yea, he's in an old zoo in Tucson Arizona."

She nodded her head and then spoke to the driver in Japanese, "Then we shall go to Arizona and see if your information is true Stoppable San."

Ronnie Diamond exhaled, "How many times do I have to tell you. It's Diamond, Diamond, not Stoppable." Yori turned away from him. He felt guilty, she obviously really liked this other guy, "Hey, Doll, your pretty sweet on this Stoppable guy aren't you?"

Yori smiled and nodded, "Hai, I have always secretly wished that...he would find me desirable."

"He'd be crazy not too." Ron said softly.

Yori looked at the floor board of the SUV, moving her foot back and forth she tried to hide her embarrassment, "I imagine in my dreams that we could be together. We would be very happy. I would bear him many children..." Yori looked up from the floor board grinning with a gleam in her eye, "...and they would be raised as NINJA"S."

Ronnie Diamond tilted his head, _"Geez, this girl is crackers. Best to humor her, she is after all a foreigner."_

He pulled the dog mask off of his head. He was covered in sweat from spending an evening wearing it. Wiping the sweat from his face and smiling, he patted the young ninja on the shoulder, "I'm sure they will dear, I'm sure they will."


	5. Chapter 5

** A/N: The wait is over. Ronnie Diamond Chapter 5 is finished. Hope you all enjoy it.**

**Sorry for the long delay, I've had some major writing blocks. Had to force this one out. I think I've got a handle for the rest of the story as well as the next story. So hopefully the next chapters won't take so long. I don't think this chapter is my best work but it moves the story forward, which is what I needed to do. Hope you all enjoy it. **

**Write a review receive a reply.**

**Bubba**

* * *

Ninja 1 touched down in a small isolated airport near Flagstaff Arizona. Ronnie Diamond was finishing his fourth complimentary bag of peanuts. So far he had patiently listened to Yori explain all the reasons why he was dishonorable for bribing the information from a barmaid on the whereabouts of Monkey Fist. 

"So you have dishonored the Bushido code by not facing great peril in obtaining the information we so valuably needed." The young ninja explained..

Ronnie Diamond opened another bag of nuts and handed them to Rufus. He took the nuts and frowned at Yori, _"Nuts"_

Yori was growing impatient at Ronnie Diamond's silence, "Have you nothing to say for yourself?"

He looked at her as he adjusted his fedora to cover just enough of his eyes for her to tell that he was none to happy with her, "Look Doll, you invited me to this party. You said you needed my help, so I helped. If you ain't happy with the arrangement, you can have your pals in the black jammies drop me an' Rufus back in Colorado."

She pursed her lips and took deep breaths through her nose. She needed to find her calm center so she could deal with this annoying boy without having to resort to physical force. She felt the urge to break the boy in the trench coat in half, "If that is the way you want it, then I shall make the arrangements."

"Hang on there sister." Ronnie Diamond pointed to Rufus, "My legal representative Rufus will draw you up a bill for my services."

Rufus quickly picked up a pad of paper and a pen and quickly scratched out a bill. He handed it to Yori, _"'hnk' Pay up."_

Yori took the bill and frowned, "$258,000 dollars, this is an outrage."

Ron quickly snatched the bill from her, "That's $258, the period just looks like a comma."

"Oh, I see." Yori said as she glanced to see the pink naked mole rat rolling on the seat next to Diamond laughing hysterically.

A blue mist took shape in the cabin of the private jet. Rufus scampered behind Ron's trench coat as the mist tried to communicate. _"Stoppable San, You must..."_ was all that came through before the mist dispersed into nothingness.

Yori bowed her head, "Forgive me Stoppable San, I do not mean to be cross with you. It's just that I am so worried for Sensei."

"Look Doll the name's Diamond, and if you still want my help. I'm in." He told her as he took her into his arms to comfort the worried ninja.

Yori allowed herself to be held in the friendly embrace until she felt Ronnie Diamond's hands slowly dipping towards her buttocks. She quickly pulled away from him, "We must set out at once for Monkey Fist's lair."

Ronnie Diamond tilted his fedora jauntily on his head and gestured towards Rufus with his toothpick, "Rufus tear up that bill."

"That will be unnecessary Stopp...Diamond San." Yori said happily.

"Of course it's necessary. Rufus is going to write a much bigger bill later."

* * *

Kim Possible sat patiently at a remote air strip in Central America waiting on her ride to Ron's last known location. She did not recognize most of the men working on Ricardo's chicken farm and it was making her uncomfortable. She looked around the farm, something had suddenly struck her as odd, "I don't see any chickens?" She muttered under her breath. 

A very tired looking Hispanic man approached her, "Si' we are ready to make our flight now, Seniorita Possible."

"Thanks Ricardo, I really appreciate the ride." Kim told the only man she recognized.

"Oh it is no problem. It is the least we could do, after you saved our chicken farm which was just a front for drug smuggling activities from that mudslide. Now thanks to you we are now free to transport many kilos of narcotics into the United States. Making us all very, very wealthy." Ricardo replied happily as he wiped his brow.

Kim's mouth fell open. This was not the intent of her world saving activity that day but she couldn't say anything because she needed a ride to find Ron, "That's…why…I always carry a cordless hairdryer." She said nervously.

The all too familiar ring tone sounded to alert Kim that Wade Load needed to talk with her. Kim answered the alert, "What's the sitch, Wade?"

"Uh...I hate to tell you this but Ron's on the move again. He's in Arizona." Wade said nervously.

Kim blinked, "Arizona? What's he doing in Arizona?"

"Are you ready to go Senorita Possible?" Ricardo asked.

Kim spun and faced the man, "Ricardo, I need a ride back to the U.S. Arizona to be exact."

The man shrugged, "Yea, sure no problem. We have a large shipment heading for a remote location near an abandoned zoo leaving now."

Kim blinked as she realized her ride was actually smuggling narcotics into the United States. This was a lesson in pragmatism for Kim. Yes, what these guys were doing is wrong, but whatever Yori was doing with Ron, was worse.

"Oh…OK!"

* * *

The black Cadillac Escalade left the secret location in Arizona. Ninja 1 had just landed at a remote airport in the middle of nowhere. Yori relieved that Sensei was still alive was now concerned because the chosen one was not quite what she thought he should be. Ronnie Diamond and his little pink partner were hungry. 

"Look Doll, I'm all for finding this Sensei guy. But Rufus and me, we need some grub, we're hungry." Ronnie Diamond complained as he started to gnaw on his toothpick.

Rufus flopped onto his back, _"Yea, hungry."_

Yori sighed, "Very well, perhaps food will help us concentrate more efficiently."

Ronnie Diamond spotted a road sign for Bueno Naco, "Hey Ned's got a place down here."

"Fine, I shall have the driver stop there for us. We can purchase food through the drive thru." She said sadly.

"No way, Rufus and I only eat sitting still. You see Rufus and I have very sensitive constitutions." Diamond explained.

"_hnk, Yea Sensitive."_ Rufus chimed in.

* * *

Kim wearing her parachute gear eyed the South America drug smugglers wearily. All the men appeared to be large, hairy and armed with AK-47's. She was almost concerned for her own safety until she realized if push came to shove. She could easily overwhelm these men. One of the men suddenly produced an object from his pocket. Kim gasped as she realized what he was grasping, _"Whew, it's only a cigarette for a minute, I thought…Focus on Ron, focus on Ron, think pure thoughts."_

Then she realized exactly what the man was holding, _"It's a marijuana cigarette, a joint, a reefer, a blunt, oh man if I get this smell in my clothes I will be so busted."_

The rickety old DC 3 bounced along as it made its way towards the United States. Kim was starting to relax as the cabin of the old airplane began to fill with the smoke from many joints that were being lit up by the men in plane. The crew turned their radio on to a local rock station. Kim sang along with the men, even though the songs were Spanish it didn't seem to matter.

One of the men offered Kim his joint, she shook her head, "No thanks, I'm good." She grinned.

Kim looked around the hazy cargo hold and spotted a potted plant with a big yellow flower in it. She grinned and grabbed the flower pot, "Ohhhhhhhhh Pretty…"

"Senorita admiring the flower, flowers can be very pretty." Ricardo said airily before taking another long drag of his joint.

"Yeaaaaaaaaaaa, flowers are pretty." Kim took a deep breath of the all the second hand smoke, "I don't know why, but I feel really relaxed right now."

_In-a-gadda-da-vida, honey,_

_  
Dont you know that I love you? _

_  
In-a-gadda-da-vida, baby,_

_  
Dont you know that I'll always be true?_

"Oh man, I love this song. I never heard it before but its soooooooooo coooooooooool." Kim said as she started dancing to the song.

"Senorita Possible, this is where you have to jump now." Ricardo said.

"Awwwwwwww, can I keep the flower?" Kim asked as she grinned stupidly at the drug runner.

Ricardo smiled, "You like the flower, you keep the flower." He reached over to a box and handed Kim two large bags of marijuana, "Here take two pounds on the house."

Kim took the large amount of weed and stuffed into her backpack. She picked up her flower and waved goodbye to her new friends, "Bye bye"

"Senorita Kim, do not forget your helmet. Remember safety first." Ricardo reminded her.

Kim put her potted flower down and quickly donned her helmet, "Bye and thanks for the weed Ricardo."

"Bye Kim" They shouted as Kim leapt from the plane.

"_Isn't that sweet, drug runners who care."_ Kim thought as she hurtled towards the ground.

She loved freefalling. The added experience of being high and freefalling only made it just that much more intense. A maniacal laugh escaped Kim's lips as she hurtled towards the ground,_ "Yori, I am so going to kick your biscuits…as soon as I get something to eat."_

Kim pulled the cord on her parachute and glided somewhat gracefully to the ground. She quickly bundled her chute before a gust of wind could catch it and drag her away. She stored the chute in a ditch near a road. Kim looked around and saw nothing that looked familiar. She pulled out her Kimmunicator, "Hey Wade?"

"Hey Kim, what's the sitch…." The computer genius answered.

"Oh that is soooooooooo funny, your using my line." Kim said as she burst into a fit of laughter.

Wade was obviously confused and concerned, "Uh Kim, are you feeling…OK?"

Kim began to giggle at the boy's image on the Kimmunicator, "You've got such a little head?"

"Uh, Kim?" Wade said not quite certain what to say next.

The image on the Kimmunicator for some reason struck Kim as being hilariously funny. She placed her index finger and thumb over Wade's image and began touching them together, "Hey Wade, I'm crushing your head..." She said before breaking out in a fit of giggles..

Wade could not hide the confusion on his face, "Kim, are you...on anything?"

The laughter stopped, "I'm not high, nope, not me. No reason this needs to go on my permanent record."

"So...you're alright then?" Wade asked again, still puzzled by his friend's odd behavior.

Kim smiled a lazy smile, "I'm great, I'll be even better if you can point me to a Bueno Nacho. I could really use about 6 tacos, 4 nacos and a really big chicken chimerito."

"I thought we were looking for Ron?" Wade reminded her.

"Oh we are, as soon as I get something to eat and find a place that sells rolling papers."

* * *

"So you see Doll, you have to work smarter, not harder." Ron explained as he finished off his soda. 

Yori shook her head, "Sensei teaches that only through adversity can one build character."

"Doll, I don't know if you've noticed this or not? Having great character didn't really stop Sensei from getting snatched did it?" Diamond reminded her.

The young ninja frowned, "I see your point, Stop…Diamond San." Yori tilted her head as she thought she recognized someone on the other side of the restaurant, "Is that your friend Kim Possible?"

Ron spun to see who Yori was pointing at. Sure enough it was Kim sitting in a booth devouring a large pile of food, "Sure looks like her. Only I've never known her to have such a healthy appetite."

They approached the table Kim was seated at. Ron walked up and greeted his friend, "Kid?"

Kim had a large mouthful of Tex-Mex food in her mouth as she froze in mid chew, "Mmmmbalvmowmms" She quickly swallowed her food, "I mean, Hey Ron."

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

Even through her heavily sedated eyelids, Kim could spot Yori, "I…I came here to…SAVE YOU FROM HER!" She screamed as she flung the potted plant at Yori and jumped from the booth.

Yori quickly evaded the thrown object before adopting a defensive stance, as the potted plant sailed past her head to shatter on the floor.

"I do not understand?" Yori said as she and Kim began to circle one another.

"You're working for some n….n…nefarious guy to kidnap Ron." Kim pointed her finger accusingly.

Ron grinned, "Ahhhhh Kid, you care."

"You be quiet, you, you...trench coat Casanova." Kim said angrily.

"Now wait a minute, trench coat Casanova?" Ron said defensively.

Kim frowned at him, "You know what I'm talking about, Tara, Bonnie…"

Ron took the toothpick from his mouth, "Round heeled women with little virtue Kid."

"Well what about her?" Kim said refocusing her attention on Yori.

"I'm on a case, to find her Sensei."

"So I guess that's Japanese for panties?" Kim shot back.

"Funny enough…" Ronnie Diamond said with a grin.

"THAT IS ENOUGH!" Yori said angrily.

Both Kim and Ron turned their attention towards the young ninja. Yori lowered her voice, "Stoppable San is a great hero at Yamanouchi. The secret ninja training school he attended last year. He not only saved the school but an ancient weapon known as the Lotus Blade and defeated Monkey Fist."

Kim giggled, "Ron…Stoppable San, oh come on…"

"My feelings exactly Kid." Ron said pleasantly.

Yori frowned and pointed towards Ronnie Diamond, "His mind has been damaged. What have you done to him?"

Kim blinked her eyes, "ME! Why is everything always my fault?" A wave of marijuana induced paranoia overtook Kim as she began to wonder just how much Yori really knew, "What exactly has Ron been telling you about me?" Kim said menacingly.

Ron finally sensed something wasn't quite right with Kim, "Kid, you OK, you're not acting quite like yourself?"

Rufus popped out of Ron's pocket and saw Kim's heavy eyelids and bloodshot eyes and shook his head, _"'hnk' Stoned"_

Kim jumped back towards her booth, "I'M NOT HIGH!" She said urgently as she reached towards the table, picked up the remains of a half eaten naco and quickly stuffed it in her mouth.

Yori tilted her head, "Recreational usage of drugs is strictly forbidden in the Heroes Code."

"Well that's good...I guess, because I'm not high." Kim reiterated.

Ronnie Diamond grinned, "Discovered the reefer, heh? Kid, I'm shocked."

Rufus popped out of the trench coat pocket once again, _"Munchies, yea...She's high."_

Kim was beginning to panic, "NO, I just know some…people…" She decided it was time to get everyone's attention away from her, "Hey, what about my plant?"

Ronnie Diamond and Yori looked at one another. It was obvious Kim was on a different plane of existence. Ron decided it was time to get the show on the road, "Look Kid, you in or not?"

"In?" Kim said not quite understanding what Ron was asking.

"We are calling upon Stop…Diamond San's bravery to help find Sensei. We think he may be held in a zoo near this location." Yori explained.

"Oh that, sure count me in." Kim said as she quickly pocketed a naco for later.

Ronnie Diamond looked at the potted plant on the floor. The pot was shattered and the pretty flower was no more. "Nice flower, shame the pot got broken."

Kim nodded her head and then frowned at Yori, "The least you could have done was caught it. Some ninja you are."

* * *

The black Cadillac Escalade dropped our young heroes off nearly thirty miles from the zoo that Monkey Fist was using for a hide out. Ronnie Diamond frowned as he watched the black SUV disappear into the distance. 

"So explain to me once again why we couldn't have just driven to this zoo?"

Yori grinned, "It will be our honor to walk."

Ron frowned, "It's nearly a hundred degrees out here. I could use a little less honoring." He said as he removed his trench coat.

Still smiling Yori smugly told her non ninja friends the reasoning for the long walk, "The walk will teach us patience, build up our cardiovascular system and put us in the proper frame of mind when we meet Stop...I mean Diamond San's arch foe."

"Diamond San's arch foe..." Kim said in a mocking tone. "This is just some ninja trick to wear us down so we can be captured."

Ron frowned at Kim but said nothing. Similar thoughts were beginning to run through his mind as well. He heard a car approaching on the blacktop two lane road, Ron quickly spun to walk backwards as he stuck out a thumb to try and hitch a ride.

Yori frowned at Ronnie Diamond, "What are you attempting to do?"

Ron winked at her, "Working smarter Doll, and not harder. I don't want this Monkey's Uncle guy to smell us coming."

"I do not understand?"

Kim made a face, "Body odor, you get it by sweating in a 100 degree heat."

"But it is a dry heat." Yori said in defense of her decision to walk.

"Look Doll, I'm a city kid. One thing you learn in the Bronx is hot is hot, dry or wet. I don't like the heat. It disagrees with my sensitive nature."

Rufus popped out of Ron's trench coat pocket panting from the heat, _"Yea, sensitive..."_

"Yea and the heat just killed my buzz." Kim complained.

"Buzz?" Yori said as a look of puzzlement crossed her face.

A look of panic came over Kim, "But I'm not high...at least, not anymore." Kim smacked her lips together, "Anyone else got cotton mouth or is it just me?"

**VII**

After what seemed an eternity. An elderly lady in a minivan gave our heroes a ride to the Petterman's Petting Zoo. The lady also gave them the local history of the petting zoo and of the Petterman family. It was obvious she didn't get to talk to many people as no one had a chance to get a word in.

"So you see Marshall Petterman started the petting zoo in August...or was it September? Any who, Marshall married Delores Vance from Scott County. They ran the zoo until they had to close it because of the depression. Then after the war, his son, Marshall's son Lyle opened the petting zoo up. He had to buy new animals since Marshall and his wife cooked most of the animals to survive."

Ronnie Diamond had dozed off in the back seat, as a disgruntled Yori sat next to him gazing out the window. Kim however was spell bound by the woman's story, "Did they...did they have Llama's?"

"Yes, yes I think they did as a matter of fact." The woman said as she strained her memory.

"I really like Llamas. I think they're so cool." Kim said airily.

"So why exactly are you heading to the Pedderman's Zoo again?" The woman asked.

Kim giggled, "We're going there to party."

"You mean like a costume party?" The asked not quite understanding Kim's meaning.

Ronnie Diamond stirred in his seat, "Uh...yea, something like that."

"I thought so. I mean, It's not often one encounters a karate girl, a detective and a..." The woman glanced uneasily at Kim, "I'm sorry dear, what was your costume again?"

"Oh, I'm a crime fighting cheerleader."

The woman tilted her head, "Of course you are. Well you young people today with your fads, those cell phones, earpods, and fax machines..."

"Is that not the zoo up ahead?" Yori asked. Hoping against hope that it was, her ninja patience with these American's was starting to run thin.

The woman strained to see the sign, "Why yes, yes it is."

Ronnie Diamond perked up, "Swell, you can drop us here if you don't mind lady."

Kim looked at the woman, "I'm sorry I didn't catch your name again?"

"Oh, I'm Mrs. Dent. I'm a friend of Wade's. He said you would need a ride." The lady informed her.

"Phewwwwwww, you really do Rock Wade." Kim said happily.

Ronnie Diamond tipped his fedora as he exited the van, "Pleasure to meet your acquaintance. If you're ever in Middleton, look me up and always remember no case is too big, no bill is too big. Ronnie Diamond's your man."

A sullen Yori stepped out of the powder blue minivan and bowed, "We are in your debt."

"All right, you kids have fun fighting the bad guy now."

The trio waved as the woman drove off down Arizona State Highway 00. Ronnie Diamond slipped his trench coat on, "Kid, how's my tie look?"

Kim rolled her eyes, "This isn't a fashion show Ron."

Ronnie Diamond grinned, "I hear ya, but it just wouldn't be proper to fight ones arch foe with a crooked tie. It's simply not done."

"I think it would be your honor to enter the monkey house first." Yori said in an effort to stop Ron's preening.

He looked up at the large billboard that proclaimed, "Petterman's Petting Zoo, Opening early Spring 1978 and chuckled, "Depression does screwy things to your head. This is nowhere near 1936 much less 1978."

"Chosen one please, we must find Sensei." Yori said urgently.

"Keep your panties on Doll, I'm going, I'm going." Ron said as he pushed open the weather beaten wooden gate that blocked their access to the property.

They entered the zoo together. Ron spotted a large sign. In horribly written brush strokes was painted 'MONKEY HOUSE' with an arrow pointing straight ahead. Ron turned to the girls, "I think it's this way."

"No DUH" Kim said shaking her head at Ronnie Diamond's keen grasp of the obvious.

Yori grinned, "The Chosen One has found another clue."

The girls followed Ron for another 30 feet before they encountered another sign. In equally poor writing this sign told them to, 'Turn Back'. Ronnie Diamond turned to the girls, "I think we're on the right path."

Kim shook her head but said nothing. She watched as Ron found the next sign on the way to the monkey house. This sign read, 'Secret Lair of Monkey Fist' with an arrow pointing down the path they were on.

"Another clue..." Yori said as she clasped her hands together in glee.

"Gee, do you think?" Kim said to Yori in a rather snarky voice that reminded her of someone. Someone she knew but she just couldn't place the name at the moment.

They continued down the path the monkey house looming in the distance. Ronnie Diamond spotted another sign. 'By Appointment Only' was scrawled on it. He turned to Kim, "See Kid, that's how you do business."

Kim had finally had enough. She was grumpy, tired, and not at all happy about the sitch. She wanted to get this mission out of the way and find a place that sold rolling papers. She tried to push past Ron only to have Yori restrain her.

"It is Chosen One's Honor to go first." She reminded her.

Ronnie Diamond winked at Kim as he pushed open the door to the monkey house and stepped inside. In the pale light of a dozen candles he sat cross leg on the floor. Ronnie Diamond took off his fedora and scratched his head, "So what are you supposed to be, some kind of Monkey's Uncle?"

The two girls remained outside until they heard Monkey Fist's voice.

"YOU!"

They quickly entered the monkey house to find Ronnie Diamond pointing a toothpick at Monkey Fist, "So you're my arch foe, huh?" He turned towards Kim, "I was expecting something, more..." Ron rolled his hand in the air as he searched for a word.

"Impressive?" Kim said offering her help.

Ronnie Diamond snapped his fingers, "That's the word, I was looking for. I expected something more impressive from my arch foe."

Monkey Fist quickly stood, "You're not an arch foe, you're an arch bummbler."

Ronnie Diamond threw his toothpick to the floor, "Smile when you say that."

Monkey Fist had heard enough as he pointed at Ron and screamed. "MONKEY NINJAS ATTACK!"

A high pitched scream escaped Ron's lungs as a dozen ninja clad monkey's sprang from no where to surround him. Ronnie Diamond ran behind Kim screaming, "AUGHHHHHH, KIM, MONKEY'S HELP!"

Kim eye's opened wide, "Ron?" She said hoping the bad scare had snapped him back to normal.

Much to Kim's disappointment the brief glimpse of her best friend quickly vanished as Ronnie Diamond's personality took command once again. He reached into the pocket of his trench coat and withdrew a fresh toothpick, "Not that I'm afraid of monkeys mind you." He said sheepishly as he carefully placed Kim and Yori between himself and the ninja monkeys.

Yori stepped forward unafraid to confront the monster that had kidnapped Sensei, "What have you done with Sensei?"

"Yea, what have you done with Sensei?" Ron demanded from behind Kim.

Monkey Fist was taken aback, "Sensei, what possible use could I have for that old relic?"

Kim tilted her head and asked the only question that sprang into her slightly cloudy mind, "Well if you didn't capture him, who does?"

As if on cue the door to the secret lair exploded and 4 large gorillas crashed into the room. Monkey Fist pointed towards the new intruders, "Monkey Ninjas Attack!"

The highly trained monkeys stormed the gorillas who easily swept them away with their large hairy arms. Ronnie Diamond stood with his mouth hanging open. The fresh toothpick he had just placed in his mouth dangled precariously from his lips until it fell to the floor.

"Ba...ba...BIG MONKEY'S, HELP KIM!" He screamed before his eyes rolled up in his head and he passed into unconsciousness.

Kim leaned over the unconscious form of Ronnie Diamond, "They're apes Ron."

With the ninja monkeys dealt with the giant gorillas quickly seized Monkey Fist, "You fools you led them right to me."

"Led who?" Yori demanded urgently as she feared that she may never see Sensei again.

A giant ape wearing a Japanese Dragon Kabuto War Helmet crashed through the door. The giant body was far too wide to fit through the door, as it splintered the door frame to make way for its wide body.

Kim blinked as she tried to comprehend what was happening, "Oh wow, man...Does anyone else see what I'm seeing?"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay. I had some killer plot bunnies for other stories and killer writers block for this one. I know where I want the story to go but finding the way there can sometimes be troublesome. Many thanks for your patience. Many thanks to YYJ, Bigherb81, Whitem, Eckles, Spectre666, Joe Stoppinghem, Lonestar, Zardoz101, Yankee Bard, Cody MacArthur Fett, Drakonis Aurous, DanteCell, CajunBear73, The Creeping Spleen, cmanuk, for their reviews for chapter 5. **

**Also many thanks to the folks that have made plot suggestions for future stories. I was going to wrap Ronnie Diamond up after the third story, but I think I can see my way to writing a few more after 'So The Diamond'. **

**Once again write a review, receive a reply. Hope you all enjoy the chapter.**

**Bubba **

* * *

He could hear his name being called out in the darkness. He was becoming aware of his surroundings and he didn't like the impressions he was receiving as his body was jostled to a fro. He reached out his arm and felt for a wall. It was made of wood, _"I'm inside some sort of packing crate. We're probably on some slow boat to China by now." _Ronnie Diamond thought as he tried to sit up.

Ronnie Diamond managed to sit up. Suddenly realizing he thought in the terms of 'we', who else is in this crate with him. He froze and sniffed the air. The faint scent of jasmine tickled his nostrils, "Doll, you in here?" He croaked out, suddenly realizing how dry his throat was.

"I am pleased you have awaked, Stop...Diamond San." The young ninja's pleasant voice said to him.

Relieved that she didn't sound, frightened, or angry, Ronnie Diamond's mind started to work out the clues, "We're in a crate. So how are we traveling, air, rail or by ship?"

The voice responded, "I believe we are on a plane."

Ronnie Diamond ran his hands along the top of the packing crate. He could feel small round holes, too small for them to get out. Though not too small for Rufus to squeeze through, should the situation call for him to make the attempt. He could now see the faint outline of Yori in the darkness. He could not help but grin at the thought of holding the nubile young ninja in his arms.

"Doll, I know this is going to sound crazy but...I think we shouldn't try to escape. I think wherever Sensei is. We're going to be taken right to him."

He saw her head nodding her understanding, "So it would be best to let them take us to Sensei. So as you say, work smarter and not harder."

A wolfish grin crossed Ronnie Diamond's face, "You got it Doll. So as long as we're waiting...we might as well cuddle...I mean...ah, try to conserve our body heat or something..."

There was a loud crack and pain shot through Ron's face, "OW"

"I am sorry, Stop...Diamond San. I was merle stretching and did not see your face in the way of my fist."

Ronnie Diamond smirked. "I believe ya Doll…Thousands wouldn't, but I do."

* * *

The ride in the packing crate had been a long one. Kim was rapidly coming down from her earlier high. She was in a fowl mood and Monkey Fist, her current cell mate would not shut up. He kept talking and talking. It was enough to drive her crazy. Or at least into a desperate attempt to make the man shut up.

"Do you get high?"

Monkey Fist suddenly stopped talking, "What was that again?"

"Do you get high?"

A look of confusion and concern crossed the man's face, "Why, what has Duff Killigan been telling you?"

Kim let out a deep sigh, "It's a simple enough question. Do you get high?"

Monkey Fist looked around the crate for uninvited eavesdroppers, "I have been known to use...certain mind expanding chemicals in order to help me achieve Chi." He whispered conspiratorially.

"OK, I'll take that as a yes. Supposes I knew some one that had a bag or two of some killer bud. Would you have anything that we could use to...smoke it with?" She asked suddenly feeling very foolish.

The silence inside the crate was beginning to unnerve Kim, the suspense was short lived as Monkey Fist finally answered her, "You're a goody two shoe type. What would you know about...Killer bud?" He mocked.

Kim sighed once again. Growing impatient with the man, she slipped off her backpack and took out one of the two bags of marijuana that Ramon had given her earlier in the day. She pitched the bag at Monkey Fist, "Check this out fo' shizzle."

Monkey Fist picked up the bag that landed in his lap. He felt along the edges until he could feel how to open it in the darkness that engulfed the crate. Surely this had to be some sort of joke he thought. Teen age do-gooders just don't get high. The bag opened as he deeply inhaled the delicate fragrance, "Oh this is good stuff."

"So do you have anything we can use to partake?" Kim asked once again.

The half man, half simian licked his lips and reached inside his Gi, "I think I have just the thing we need." He grasped the blunt papers and suddenly froze, "I...I say...Do you think this is really proper? I mean, you being one of the good guys and me, such as I am, not?"

Kim wanted to scream, her head was pounding and this freak wanted to talk about semantics. "Are you crazy? We're both prisoners." Kim reminded him.

That made good sense to Monkey Fist, "True, very true." He took out his pack of rolling papers, "I hope you don't mind, I only use the best in Jamaican blunt wraps, this particular wrap is Amaretto flavored."

She was glad it was dark so Monkey Fist couldn't see her rolling her eyes as she thought, _"Great a connoisseur."_

"No, no, no big."

"Do you want your own, or do you want to share?" Monkey Fist asked politely.

Kim was Jonesin bad, the need to return to her previous state of bliss was over powering. It was all she could do to keep from screaming in frustration at the man, "My own thank you." She said in a strained voice.

Monkey Fist tossed her a joint as he tried to roll one for himself, "I'm afraid I'm making a terrible mess of this. It's hard to roll in the dark."

The blunt felt fat. Monkey Fist had rolled her a fat one. Kim's eyes lit up with anticipation, "Lighter?"

"Oh, yes..." He tossed her a well used Zippo lighter.

Kim caught the lighter. The shiny chrome finish catching what little light there was inside the crate, "Oh yeaaaaaaa..."

* * *

Ronnie Diamond talked with Yori about various schemes for escape once they reached their destination. When suddenly he realized he was forgetting something, or rather someone.

"KID!"

He turned around inside his packing crate, "Kid, are you near us?"

A nervous little voice replied, "Yes"

A most unwelcome voice broke into Ronnie Diamond's sense of relief. "No, no, not like that Kimberly. You need to suck it harder."

"Give me a break, it's my first time." He heard Kim answer.

Ronnie Diamond gasped, "Kid, what are you doing over there?"

A long silence ensued before a very relaxed sounding voice responded in a sing song manner of a little girl, "Nothing"

This did nothing to comfort Ronnie Diamond's runaway mind. He had to send the girl help. She wasn't in her right mind, it was dark and the Monkey's Uncle was taking advantage of her innocent charms, "RUFUS!"

The stirring in the pocket of his trench coat was reassuring as he grabbed his little pink friend and brought him up to eye level, "The Kid's about to make her first false step. I need you to find a way into their crate and stop them. Got it?"

He felt rather than saw the mole rat nodding his comprehension, "Yea, stop em' good."

Ronnie Diamond held Rufus up to one of the holes cut into the crate to provide the prisoner's with breathable air. If anybody could stop them, it would be Rufus he thought happily.

"Having a intimate physical relationship with a foe is against the heroes code." The young ninja said out loud.

"She ain't like that." Ronnie Diamond spat back with such venom it surprised even himself.

A tense silence followed, "I see..."

Ron ignored the young ninja as he squirmed around to try and get a view of the crate where Kim, Monkey Fist, Rufus and the worrisome giggling was coming from, "Kid, you're keeping your clothes on...right?"

Another long silence followed by giggling was hardly reassuring enough to suit him. Looking through the small hole in the crate he tried to get a look "Rufus what's going on over there?"

There was no sound other than the loud beating of his heart. Then he heard three distinct voices giggling. Yori put a hand on his arm, "Whatever they are doing, it sounds enjoyable."

"Too enjoyable..." Sneered Diamond, as he craned his head for a better look.

A smiling pink mole rat popped his head into the crate, "hnk' Primo bud..."

Rufus tumbled through the hole to land on floor of the crate giggling. Ron picked the limp mole rat up and released him. Rufus continued to laugh, "Oh no..." Looking towards the other crate, Ronnie Diamond called out. "Kim, are you smoking reefers over there?"

Another long silence followed by more giggling. Then Kim's said once again in a little girls voice, "No..."

Yori frowned, "Kim Possible is quite high and will be of little use to us in combat."

Ronnie Diamond was not happy, not happy at all about how things were turning out. "Look Sister, I didn't sign up for combat. I signed on to find this Sensei guy for you and that's what I'm gonna do."

Before Yori could answer the crates there were riding inside of were picked off the ground. The two teens were jostled back and forth. Ronnie Diamond quickly scooped Rufus up and stuffed him in his pocket. Yori had landed on top of him. They now lay nose to nose. Ronnie Diamond smiled, "Give ya any ideas Doll?"

"Yes as soon as the crates are open we attack..." Yori said without missing a beat.

The crate was turned up on end and Ron grunted, "Not what I had in mind."

Landing on the ground with a loud thud, Ronnie Diamond felt around till he could find his fedora. "You alright Doll?"

"I appear to be undamaged." Yori said as her attention was now drawn to the sound of crow bars prying open the lid to the crate.

The lid fell open and for the first time in quite a few hours light spilled into the box. Shielding their eyes they stepped out of the crate. Emerging from the crate Ronnie Diamond sized up the room they were now in. "Looks like early dungeon."

"Diamond San, we are not alone." Yori said cautiously.

"You are quite right, Yori."

Yori spotted Sensei, ran to him and embraced her teacher warmly. "Sensei, I am..." Remembering her ninja training she pulled away from the older man, "I am relieved to see that you are well."

Ron looked at the short, white haired old man, "We got your message pops, nice trick with the gravy...I would have used ketchup though. It's more eye catching."

Sensei bowed and closed his eyes, "It was my wish to warn you Stoppable San to stay away that he was in great danger. But I failed. Even the mightiest oak, must one day fall."

Monkey fist pushed past the two and confronted the old headmaster, "Oh you think you're so smart, but you've been captured haven't you? Not all high and mighty now are you..."

Kim pushed past Monkey Fist, "Hi old guy, so that's a Sensei?"

Ronnie Diamond pushed past both of them to face Sensei, "Ignore them, they're slightly impaired. Look I think we really need to get out of here. Then you can go where you need to go and I can give you my rather large bill."

Monkey Fist began to leap around the room, "Look for a way out, I have to get out of here."

Kim looked blankly at Ron, "I hate to agree with him but he's got the papers. We really need to get out of here, so I can experiment some more. I'm sure I was close to finding the true nature of God."

Ron grabbed Kim by the arms and shook her, "Kid, kid, you've got to snap out of this. End this madness...this, this...reefer madness."

Monkey Fist stuck his finger in Ron's face, "This is all your fault..."

"Look Pal, if you don't want that finger broke off and shoved someplace where the sun don't shine, you get it out of my face." Turning his attention back to Kim he shook her again. "Kim you have got to stop now. Otherwise all you'll want to do is sit in a dark room listening to Jazz records."

Kim narrowed her eyes, "Oh Daddy-O, you are so squaresville..."

Sensei looked to his young student and spoke quietly in Japanese. "Is there anything that I should know?"

Yori bowed low and frowned, "Forgive me Sensei. There is no easy way to explain any of this."

"I understand..." The old man said quietly.

"WE NEED TO ESCAPE." Monkey Fist screamed.

The door to their prison swung open. The large Gorilla wearing the Dragon Kabuto War Helmet burst into the room with two other smaller gorillas entered the cell. "Escape, I won't allow it." The Gorilla said in a menacing tone.

Monkey Fist stopped in his tracks, "I demand to know what you want…with HER?" He asked as he pointed towards Kim.

The redheaded teen hero placed her left hand on her hip and waved right hand back and forth in front of her. "Hold on a minute Monty, rolling papers or no rolling papers. You roll on me bitch and I will slap you down."

Turning quickly on the girl Monkey Fist sneered. "I so don't think so."

Kim dropped into a martial arts fighting stance, "I'm no stranger to Juvie Hall, I know how to survive in the joint."

Ronnie Diamond rolled his eyes, "Oh brother..."

Interrupting the squabbling pair, the Gorilla told all just who it was after. "Enough of this, I was after you Monty."

Monkey Fist turned suddenly, "ME..."

"Yes you, it was an easy plan. Since you hid from me, I had to kidnap Sensei. Naturally I knew your arch foe would lead me right to you." The Gorilla said sounding very pleased with itself.

Smirking Ronnie Diamond mumbled, "I was still expecting someone more impressive to be an arch foe."

The Gorilla made its way to a lever, as the two smaller Gorillas' took Monkey Fist by the arms. "Now that I have what I want. I have no further use for you."

Pulling the lever released a trapdoor causing the others to fall screaming in fear to what appeared to be their doom. The only one who wasn't screaming in fear was Kim Possible who exclaimed happily, "Wheeeeeeeeeee"

As they fell Yori swung a thin chain that was hidden in her gi. It caught hold of a tree limb. Next she grabbed Ronnie Diamond, who quickly grabbed his fedora. Swinging to safety he collided with Kim who had deployed her hairdryer grappling hook. Yori and Ronnie Diamond swung to safety, looking down in the direction they were heading it dawned on him that it was a very long drop down the side of a very large waterfall.

Kim landed on a tree ling on the other side of the waterfall. Grinning and waving her catch around proudly she screamed, "I got him, I got him..."

Squeezing her prize a little too hard, it appeared that Rufus's eyes were about to pop out of their sockets, "Hnk' Help..."

Easing the grip on the naked mole rat, Kim giggled, "Sorry Rufus."

Ronnie Diamond looked across the waterfall and smiled, "She's got Rufus, and you got me."

Yori frowned, "But...Sensei..."

Understanding her distress, Ronnie Diamond put an arm around her to console the young ninja, "Sorry Doll..."

Yori brightened, "SENSEI..." She shouted happily.

Diamond looked up to see the old man floating in front of him enclosed in a blue orb. He tried to process the image in his mind, but could find no logical explanation for what his 1935 eyes were seeing. "Wires got to be wires..."

Sensei inside his blue energy orb performed a roll. Ronnie Diamond nodded his head, "Very thin wires."

After a short time they were reunited at the base of the water fall. Sensei smiled at the young people before him. "It is good to see you are all safe."

Kim still high from smoking weed with Monkey Fist grinned, "Hey, can anybody do that floating thingie or do you have to eat magic mushrooms or something first?"

Ronnie Diamond frowned, "Pay no attention to her, she's not herself right now."

"Hai..." Yori agreed.

Looking at his listless friend, "Rufus cut these nice folks a bill for our services."

A smile crossed the naked mole rats face as he quickly pulled out a pencil and notepad. Laughing insanely he scribbled furiously, ripping the bill out of the pad he passed it to Ron. Looking at the bill, Ronnie Diamond winced. "I was looking for monetary figures there pal. Asking for 300 lbs of sharp cheddar ain't exactly going to cover our expenses, if you know what I mean."

"I fear we must return and rescue Monkey Fist before we may leave with honor." Sensei told the group.

Ronnie Diamond held up his hand, "Hang on a minute, I only signed on for one rescue. So tell me Pops why should we risk everything to go back and rescue an arch foe?"

Kim smiled, "Because it's the right thing to do. After all he still has the rolling papers."

Sensei explained his reasoning to the doubting teen, "A weed that never grows does not need to be cut down."

Taking a tooth pick out of his coat pocket Ronnie Diamond sized the situation up. "You speak wise words Pops, my thoughts make a banquet of your reasoning and leave me with much to digest. Now you chew on this. Never kick an enemy when he's down, but don't be so quick to help him up either."

Sensei stared expressionless at the boy in the trench coat. His mind trying to out do the logical reasoning that Ronnie Diamond had just lain out before him. Sensei raised his hand to reply but was cut off by Kim.

"Ron we're going because it's the right thing to do." She said firmly.

"Hai..." Yori agreed.

Frowning Ronnie Diamond took the toothpick from his mouth, "So the only reason we're really going back in, is so Kim can get her rolling papers and get high?"

"I'm not high." Kim said defensively glance amongst the group to see if she sounded convincing.

"I liked the way Sensei explained it." Yori said politely.

Taking his toothpick out of his mouth Ronnie Diamond pointed to the group, "Two rescues double the bill and I ain't takin' no payment in cheese."

* * *

Climbing up the rickety wooden staircase the returning heroes made their way back inside the jungle fortress of the bad guys. Ronnie Diamond stopped at the top of the stairs. He glanced off to his right and spied an old rope bridge with wooden slats. Pointing at the bridge he whispered to Yori. "We'll make our escape over the bridge."

"Hai..." The young ninja whispered her agreement.

The small rescue party slipped between the rocks of the fortress. There appeared to be little activity from inside. Sensei stepped to the front and said quietly to Ronnie Diamond, "The dungeon is down that spiral staircase at the bottom."

Wincing at the sight of the stairs leading into a poorly lit room, the trench coat clad teen nodded his head, "Why can't they ever put dungeons on the main floor by the door?"

The highly trained if not slightly impaired rescue team proceeded slowly down the stairs. They could clearly hear Monkey Fist talking to his captor from the center of the well appointed dungeon.

"_What is it you want?"_

"_What I want is…"_

Before Ron could hear what Monkey Fist's captors had wanted Kim shoved past him and into the room, "Let him go…or at least let him go till I get what I want."

Not sure of what to do now, Ronnie Diamond followed Kim into the room. "That's right…We're here to save…the Monkey's Uncle."

Rufus quickly scurried unto Ronnie Diamond's shoulder, _"Yea…"_

The Gorilla in charge pointed towards the intruders, "Get them…"

The gorillas ran towards the group. Ronnie Diamond looked at Rufus, "Plan 39 buddy."

Looking strangely at his identity confused owner, Rufus shrugged his tiny shoulders.

Ron rolled his eyes, "It means He shouted as a gorilla came after him.

Yori bowed towards Kim, "A truce?"

"Yea, at least until I get those papers then it's everyone for themselves." Kim said with an evil gleam in her eyes.

"Hai…" Yori agreed nervously.

"How about a boost up?" Kim asked as an idea came to mind.

Yori cupped her fingers together, "It would be my honor."

Kim ran towards Yori, putting her right foot into the cupped hands before her. Yori heaved upward sending Kim somersaulting above an on rushing gorilla. Landing just in front of Monkey Fist, she grinned, "Papers Monty…"

"I…I don't know what you mean?" He said feigning ignorance.

"_A little help here Kid…"_

"IN A MINUTE RON, I'M BUSY…" Pointing towards the trench coat clad teen running across the room, Kim said wearily. "Boys, they think it's all about them."

"Possible San a little assistance with the gorillas would be much appreciated." Yori said from behind her.

"Yea, yea…" Kim said over her shoulder before turning her attention back to Monkey Fist. "I've got a naco left over from earlier…I'll trade you for the rolling papers." She whispered.

Monty raised an eyebrow, "Now that you mention it, I could use something to eat."

Looking around to make sure they were well out of eyesight Kim produced the wrapped naco. Monty licked his lips and pulled the rolling papers out of his gi. They each extended the prize the other sought warily. Kim pulled the naco back just as Monty pulled back the rolling papers.

"How do I know that naco is intact?" He asked suspiciously.

Kim frowned, "How do I know we didn't smoke up the rest of those papers inside the crate?"

Monty lifted an eyebrow, "Indeed…"

The switch was made quickly. Kim ran off in the opposite direction giggling as she shoved the packet of rolling papers into her pocket. Looking for someone to help she discovered that the battle was long since over. Yori had one of the gorillas tightly wrapped up inside a ornamental curtain and Ronnie Diamond was picking quarters up off of the dungeon's floor.

Kim looked at Ron strangely, "What are the quarters for?"

Ron looked up annoyed at the slightly chemically confused redhead, "For doing my laundry, what do you think they were for. I had a roll in my pocket and when I saw I wasn't going to get any help from you…Not that I needed it anyway…I grabbed the roll of quarters and slugged the gorilla." He said as he pointed to the unconscious gorilla at his feet.

Pulling in her Kim said sheepishly, "Sorry…"

The head gorilla pulled off the Dragon Kabuto war helmet. "Oh Montyyyyyyyyyy…"

Kim spun around to face the voice. A wide grin crossed her face, "Oh wow, does anyone else see this? That gorilla looks exactly like DNAmy."

Ronnie Diamnod moved next to Kim and took off his fedora, scratching his head in amazement, "That is the second hairiest woman I've ever seen.

Monkey Fist backed up in fear, "No…no…it can't be."

DNAmy closed the distance towards her new beau, "See sweetens? Just like I gave you monkey hands and feet, I gave myself gorilla arms and feet. All for you! Monkey pudding and pie!"

Grinning Ronnie Diamond placed his fedora back on his head. "Looks like the hairy woman's taken a liking to ya."

"No, no, our arrangement was strictly business." Monkey Fist protested.

DNAmy clasped her large hair hands together and happily brought them to the side of her face. "You keep saying that, but I know you don't mean it. Oh come here!"

Tilting his head, Monty looked towards Kim and shrugged, "Well, I've woke up with worse."

Sensei nodded to the group, "Then I think it is time we took our leave."

Ronnie Diamond nodded his head in agreement, "Yep, I knew trying to rescue the arch foe was a waste of time."

Sensei sensing a chance to one up the powerful logic of Ronnie Diamond commented dryly. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

Shaking his head at the old man Ronnie Diamond countered, "No Pops, I think this was more of a case of fools rush in…"

The group made their way back up the stairs to the main floor of the fortress unmolested. Yori appeared to be sad that her adventure with Ronnie Diamond was coming to an end. She looked at the blonde headed boy when they reached the outside. "Diamond San, once again you have proven your bravery."

Blushing slighty Ronnie Diamond pointed to Rufus, "Thanks all the same Doll but I prefer cash. Rufus cut these fine people a bill."

"_hnk' Right, cash…"_ The naked mole rat squeaked excitedly as he once again pulled out the notepad and pencil and scribbled furiously.

Eyeing the mole rat warily, Sensei said. "Thanks to you and Kim Possible, I may return to the Yamanuchi School."

Kim upon hearing her name shook her head furiously, "I'm not high, I don't…"

She stopped in mid sentence as she saw Yori give Ronnie Diamond a kiss on the cheek. Before Yori could pull away, Ronnie Diamond embraced her and dipped her backwards as he planted a passionate kiss on the young ninja. After several long seconds and after repeated throat clearings by Kim, he finally broke off the kiss.

Yori smiled and giggled happily, covering her mouth with a hand as she looked at Ronnie Diamond and Kim. The sound of rotor blades overhead signaled the arrival of a helicopter. A rope ladder was lowered and Master Sensei quickly made his way up to the helicopter.

Still giggling, Yori said, "I have to go now, Okay, love you, bye bye…" before she climbed the ladder and disappeared inside the black chopper. The moment Yori was aboard the chopper banked and flew away.

Frowning Ronnie Diamond looked to Kim, "I think we just got had. Those guys didn't need us for anything?"

Kim shook her head, "What…"

"Think about it. The old guy can control gravy from a continent away, floats around on wires. They didn't need us, and to make matters worse they took off before Rufus could give them the bill." Ron said glumly.

Rufus nodded his head, and handed Ron the final bill. _"Yea"_

Ronnie Diamond read the bill out loud, "You owe us, a hundred billion, trillion, dollars." Looking at Rufus, Ron nodded, "That's about right."

Kim shrugged, "Still the trip wasn't a total wash. I mean, I discovered enlightenment and it looks like Yori was pretty sweet on you."

Laughing Ronnie Diamond shook his head. "Oh it was just natural I guess. You have to remember these Japanese people are from a largely agricultural society. They can only afford those simple pajamas to wear. They eat only raw fish and rice. It was only natural for her to fall for a sophisticated modern man such as myself."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh…I thought you were going to give me some nonsense about a bond of honor." Kim said knowingly.

Ronnie Diamond grinned, "I think the bond Yori was after was more of a physical one."

Kim rolled her eyes, "Don't get me started."

Looking thoughtful, Ronnie Diamond summed up his impressions of the ninjas he had just met. "Yea, if we keep sending them crude oil, and scrap metal, the little yellow nips will be our friends for life."

Kim laughed, "Yea, never let a little thing like a world war get in the way."

Ron gave her a sideways glance as he motioned for her to go first across the rope bridge. "Well Kid, I guess I still got you."

Grinning as she passed him, Kim said, "If memory serves me. You've never had me."

Shaking his head and trying hard not to grin, Ronnie Diamond came as close as he would ever come to apologizing for anything. "You know Kid. I've decided that Dames are nothing but trouble."

Turning to face him, Kim grinned, "Dames?"

"Yea, you know girls, women, broads…I'm swearing them off." Ron explained.

"Ah…" She said understanding what he was getting at.

"Yea, I'm going to start me a club. The He Man Women Haters club, that's what I'll call it." Ron said resolutely.

Kim turned and continued across the bridge. "Well I guess that means we can't be friends anymore then."

"Why not?" Ron asked clearly confused by Kim.

Looking over her shoulder playfully she reminded him, "Well, after all I am a girl."

"Not really…"

Spinning around on the rope bridge, she said, "I'm not a girl?"

Ronnie Diamond held onto the swaying bridge for dear life, "No, no, Kid…You're like one of the guys. Or at least you punch like one." He said, daring to take one hand off the rope to rub his still sore chin. Sore from the other day when Kim punched his lights out for helping Bonnie find her panties in the back seat of his car.

Crossing her arms, Kim playfully said, "I don't know if I like that or not, Mr. Diamond."

Still holding onto the swaying bridge Ron looked at her, "You still got those rolling papers you got from the Monkey's Uncle?"

"Yea"

Holding out his hand, Ron asked, "Can I see them."

Kim shrugged, "Sure"

She handed the rolling papers to him and then screamed as Ron threw them off the bridge. "RON"

Ron laughed, "Hated to do that to ya Kid, I just didn't like you smoking that stuff. It's not good for you."

Frowning as she watched the rolling papers disappear into the mist being churned up by the waterfall. "You didn't like the fact that I was expanding my mind…"

"Nonsense Kid, there are other safer ways to do that." Ron said in an authoritative tone.

"Like what?" Kim asked glumly.

"Safe Government approved ways Kid. Ways that are safe and non habit forming, Scotch and cigarettes come to mind immediately." Ron said happily as he thought about returning to his night club.

Kim smirked, "Drinking and smoking, I don't think are all that safe."

Ronnie Diamond chuckled, "Come on Kid, if it wasn't on the level the Government wouldn't allow people to buy and sell them right?"

Shaking her head, Kim sighed, "I must be high, that actually kind of sort of made sense."

Pointing to other side of the bridge, he reminded her. "We have to get out of here. We have a case back home to solve."

Kim turned and started to cross the bridge, _"Yea and I've got to hide my stash from the Rents."_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay. I had to recharge me muse. Many thanks for your patience and to Pat Squared, Lycox, Zaratan, Isamu, Eckles, Scotty Boi, BigHerb81, Yankee Bard, Dakonis Aurous, Dante Cell, Whitem, Spectre666, Cody MacArthur Fett, cmanuk, and CajunBear73 for their reviews.**

**So finally after a long delay. I give you chapter 7 of Ronnie Diamond Private Eye: The Case of the Monkey's Uncle. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Bubba**

* * *

Kim Possible struggled to get out of bed the next morning. The mission to find Ron and rescue him had been complicated. Complicated by the fact that Ron didn't really need rescuing and complicated by her ride who introduced her to the magic world of marijuana.

She was mortified by her behavior on the mission and she promised herself she would never smoke marijuana again. Or at least she wouldn't smoke anymore after she smoked up the two pounds of weed hidden in the laundry room.

"_What day is this...Saturday?"_ Kim thought as she struggled out of bed. She was supposed to meet Ronnie Diamond somewhere. Oh yes, now she remembered. She was to meet him at his office to work on the museum caper.

Cringing, Kim mentally kicked herself. _"I've been hanging around with that boy too long. I'm starting to think like him."_

"_Kimberly Ann Possible, you come downstairs this instant."_

"Oh no...I am so busted." Kim thought as she put on a bathrobe and headed down to face her mother.

Just as Kim had suspected her mother was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs holding her stash. Kim tried to think of a quick lie but realized that she could come up with nothing even remotely believable.

"Kimberly Ann Possible, why did I find THIS in the dryer?" Ann Possible asked sternly, as she held up the 2 bags of marijuana that Kim had brought back from her mission.

Staring at the weed, she unconsciously licked her lips. "I'm sorry mom, it was...a gift...I never smoked any of it..."

Ann Possible frowned. "The smell coming from your mission clothes would indicate otherwise."

"Uh...uh..." Kim stammered as she tried to come up with an excuse. But no excuse was forthcoming. "It's mine, the guys who I got the lift from, gave it to me...I know it was wrong...but...I just had to try it." Kim confessed sadly.

"Well all right then. You are hereby grounded for a month. You can not go on missions and your father and I must approve of your rides from now on." Ann said firmly.

Kim stared longingly at the 2 bags of weed her mother held. "I...I understand."

"Do you know what happens to young girls who turn to drugs Kim?" Ann demanded.

Feeling a lecture coming on, Kim looked at the floor and said. "What?"

"Bad things happen that's what. Some girls end up dancing naked on tables in seedy bars, having strange men shoving dollar bills into their G-strings. This is not the kind of life that I want for my daughter. Do I make myself clear?"

Kim nodded her head. "Yes"

Ann frowned, "Your father and I are going to dispose of these...these...drugs in the proper and responsible manner."

"_Ann, Ann, I found our old bong pipe." _James Possible said happily as he joined the mother, daughter chat. "It was in the garage with our old antiwar stuff."

"Not now Jim..." Ann said sternly as she glared at her husband.

Jim Possible looked at his wife and then to his daughter, "Oh...bad time?"

Still glaring at her husband, Ann said. "Yes"

Kim rolled her eyes, "I can't believe you two were going to smoke up my stash!"

Shuffling his feet, Jim Possible denied the allegation. "Well no, no...We're actually going to invite a bunch of our college friends over to help us out."

Ann Possible elbowed her husband hard in the ribs. "We are supposed to be setting an example here."

"Oh yeah, right...Uh Kimmie Cub, don't smoke marijuana or you might turn out like us...A brain surgeon or a rocket scientist." Jim said sternly.

Kim snatched the pipe away from her father, "Cool...colored glass."

"Yeah, your mother picked it out." Jim said proudly.

"JIM!"

Jim snatched the pipe away from Kim, "It's an artifact of our youth. We got this the year we protested the war and followed the Grateful Dead around all summer."

"You guys weren't old enough to protest the Viet Nam war." Kim reminded them.

Laughing Jim Possible shook his head. "Of course not honey. We were protesting America's illegal war with Grenada...Only problem was the war was over before the paint was dry on our 'Reagan Sucks' signs."

"It was the thought that counted dear." Ann said quickly before covering her mouth.

Kim shook her head in mock disgust. "And you two call yourselves my parents."

Jim and Ann Possible stared at the ground. Ann finally looked up, "You're still grounded from missions."

"A day"

"2 weeks"

"5 days"

"A week, 7 days"

"Two days, one for each bag and that's my final offer."

"Sold" Jim said quickly.

Ann looked angrily at her husband, "She would have settled for 4 days."

"Ha, too late to back out now." Kim said happily.

The sound of the door bell caught their attention. Ann looked towards the door. "I wonder who that could be."

Kim winced, "Its Ronnie Diamond...I think."

Jim Possible looked at his daughter, "Don't you think you ought to get that. After all it was Ronnie Diamond who brought you home last night."

"I'll get it." Kim said a little less than enthusiastically.

Shuffling off dejectedly, she made her way to the front door. She could still hear her parents bickering in hushed whispers behind her.

"_What?" _

"_You know what."_

"_I didn't tell her anything she couldn't have guessed on her own."_

"_At least you didn't tell her about meeting me at that topless bar."_

"_Yah, dancing naked on that table. You were smokin' back then."_

"_Were?"_

"_Are, are….smokin'…still."_

Kim shook her head in disgust, "I don't believe this, my parents are stoners."

Opening the door she saw another person that she was dreading to see. "Hi Ron"

Ronnie Diamond stood in the doorway, his fedora cocked at a jaunty angle on his head. Trench coat freshly cleaned and pressed, and a new toothpick between his teeth. "Hi yah Kid feeling better today?"

Without much enthusiasm, Kim replied. "Wonderful"

"Glad to hear it. Now get changed. We've got a long day ahead of us."

"Alright, come on in." Kim said wearily as she stepped aside from the door to allow well dressed teen detective into the house.

"Thought you'd never ask." Ron said as he stepped inside the house.

Kim went upstairs to get ready to go. Leaving Ronnie Diamond to his own devices, at the moment what he was interested in was getting something to eat. Walking towards the kitchen, Ronnie Diamond was hoping to find something tasty being cooked. Today however there was no activity coming from the kitchen. He did however spot Mr. and Mrs. Possible engrossed in a deep discussion.

"I never thought she was attractive." Mr. Possible said defensively.

"Oh, then the fondling at the Christmas party was just….Oh, Hi Ronnie." Mrs. Possible said suddenly as she spotted Kim's delusional childhood friend.

"Hi yah, Mrs. P, gee that's a swell looking pipe….Funny though I never took you for much of a smoker, never mind a pipe." Ron said as he pointed towards the glass pipe in her hands.

"Oh…this…it's not mine…its'…."

"….a family heirloom." Mr. Possible said quickly.

Ronnie Diamond smiled and took off his hat. "Say that's keen. Not that I want to impose or anything but…Rufus hasn't had breakfast yet and…"

Rufus popped out of the pocket of Ronnie Diamond's trench coat. It looked as if Rufus had a hard night. His eyes were bloodshot as he looked sadly at Mrs. Possible. _"hnk' Hungry."_

"I'll whip up a quick breakfast, while Jim puts the...family heirloom away." She told him as she passed the glass bong pipe back to her husband.

Jim took the bags of marijuana and the pipe and quickly left the room. Ronnie Diamond shook his head. "I told Kim to the leave the reefer alone. I trust you're going to dispose of the hemp in an appropriate manner?"

Mrs. Possible smiled nervously, "Oh yes, Jim and I plan on getting rid of it…quickly. So it's Rufus that's hungry this morning?"

Chuckling Ronnie Diamond ran his hand nervously up and down the back of his neck. "Truthfully Mrs. Possible, I could do with a bit of breakfast myself."

"No problem Ronnie. So how have you been feeling lately, any strange headaches or anything?" Mrs. Possible asked.

Ronnie Diamond shook his head, "Nope, the picture of health. My mom now…that's another story."

Mrs. Possible looked up from fixing breakfast, "Delores is having problems?"

"Yah, she got all strange on me the other day when I hung a crucifix on my wall. I mean we're Roman Catholics, I don't see what the big deal is."

"_Yah, what's the big deal."_ Rufus as added as he scampered onto the kitchen table.

Ann Possible's was speechless for a few moments and the quickly recovered. "I see. Oh by the way thanks for bringing Kimmy home last night. I think that mission was quite an ordeal for her."

"Awwwwwwww, no problem Mrs. Possible, I always look out for Kim like she's my own little sister or somethin'."

"I don't know why that would be considering that I'm older than you." Kim said as she entered the kitchen.

"Hey Kid, good to see you up and looking fresh this morning."

"It looks like I can't go out sleuthing with you today. I'm kind of grounded." Kim said with just a trace of disappointment as she glanced at her mother.

"Kimmie is grounded because of the drugs we found in the dryer." Ann said sternly as she looked at her daughter.

Ronnie Diamond chuckled. "Yeah, by the time she caught up to me and Yori she was pretty well out of her tree."

"RON!" Kim screamed, completely horrified that Ronnie Diamond might rat her totally out.

Ron shrugged, "Well Kid, I did warn you."

"Ron, she's not going to let me go out on missions for the next two days." Kim said urgently hoping that would shut her loose lipped friend up.

A look of panic came over Ronnie Diamond's face, "Jeepers, is that true Mrs. Possible?"

Mrs. Possible looked into Ronnie Diamond's pleading eyes and her heart melted. "Well she can go but only if you're along. You're such a good influence on our Kimmie."

Ronnie Diamond blushed. "Awwwww, Mrs. Possible…"

Kim had turned red in the face as well but from a completely different emotion. "Ronnie Diamond the minute we are out that door, you are so dead."

* * *

The old Plymouth with the thoroughly modern high performance Chevrolet 350 cubic inch racing engine, backed out of the driveway. Kim Possible sat looking glumly in the passenger's seat. "I can't believe the 'Rents found my stash."

"What's that Kid?"

Kim shook her head, "Oh nothing...I...I just can't believe I had a stash...I mean...ME!"

"I tried to warn yah."

"I mean...I'm an honor student...honor students don't get high." Kim said sadly.

Ronnie Diamond nodded his head, "I guess that will teach you to leave the reefers alone from now on."

"Yeah...I guess...I can't believe I got high..." She said as she glanced out the window of the moving car. "I can't believe I want to do it again...and soon." She whispered conspiratorially to herself.

Ronnie Diamond's 1937 Plymouth turned into the Middleton High School parking lot. There was a crowd of teenagers waiting for the candy apple red machine to pull to a stop. Kim looked over at Ron, unsure about why they were there. Her prevailing thought was that the reason was not going to be good. "Ron, why are we here?"

Looking at his redheaded counterpart, Ronnie Diamond frowned. "I'm sorry Kid, but this is for your own good."

"What is for my own good?" Kim asked nervously.

"Well, I talked to Monique this morning and told her about what happened yesterday."

Kim's mouth fell open, "WHAT, why did you do that? Now everyone's going to know."

Ronnie Diamond glanced at the growing crowd, "Now Kid, I'm sure Monique can be discreet."

Trying to hide in the large old car Kim quickly flipped down the sun visor and gasped as a pair of panties fell into her lap. A look of unwelcome surprise crossed her face. "What? Whose are these?"

Snatching the panties quickly, Ronnie Diamond mumbled, "Oh that's where Monique left those."

Kim Gasped "MONIQUE"

Not waiting around to be punched, Ronnie Diamond quickly scrambled out of the car. "Time to get you right Kid."

Scrambling out the passenger's side, Kim said angrily. "What do you mean get me right?"

Monique stood glaring at Kim with her arms folded. Ronnie Diamond handed her the wadded up panties that Kim had found under the sun visor. "Here you go, I knew they'd turn up."

Giggling Monique said softly, "Thank you Ronnie."

"MONIQUE" Kim gasped again, her green eyes alight with the fires of jealousy.

Bonnie Rockwaller saw the panties change hand, "Great I wonder how many more girls are loosing they're panties in the back of that old car?"

Ronnie Diamond winked at the angry looking brunette. "Ronnie Diamond will always have a soft spot for you in his heart, Bon Bon."

"Really?" Bonnie said as her hard exterior melted away.

Monique glared at Ron, "Hey, pay attention over here."

Quickly turning from the cheer squad and assorted curious students Ron faced Kim. It was now the toughest moment of the young trench coated lad's life. It was time to turn Kim away from drugs. "Uh...Kid...smoking reefers is bad news, so after consulting long and hard with Monique in the backseat of Bessie. We came to the conclusion that...that you...need an inspection."

"Intervention..." Monique quickly corrected him.

Kim was not hearing any of it. She only picked out two words from the speech that meant anything to her. "Monique, before I pound you into the pavement...I only want to know two things. Just how long and how hard did you two discuss this?"

Monique much to everyone's surprise stood her ground. "Long enough, Kimga the Jungle Gir, Ronnie told me all about your stripping naked and attacking him last night?"

Stunned Kim shook her head, "No...that...that didn't happen."

Taking a fresh toothpick from the pocket of his trench coat, Ronnie observed. "Yah see Kid, see what smoking' reefers does to your memory. It was all I could do to put your clothes back on yah. I mean those training bras are tough."

Kim crossed her arms over her chest, and said in shocked outrage. "I so do not wear a training bra."

Ronnie Diamond grinned, "I've popped a few bras off in my time. But putting them on... All those hooks and stuff, I don't see how you girls do it? I tell yah Kid, getting you into that bra sure was a training exercise for me."

Monique stared at Ronnie Diamond in disbelief for a moment before turning her attention back to her friend. "Right, so...we've came up with a presentation to help you get straight."

Rolling her eyes, Kim said, "You Cat's are just so squaresville...Dig!"

Pointing at his misguided friend, Ronnie Diamond was quick to point out. "See Kid, less than 24 hours after exposure and you're starting to talk like a Hep Cat."

Kim quickly covered her mouth, "Oh my God!"

Josh Mankey stepped forward from the group. "It's OK Kim, me and the band...We're cool, we used to be really cool until our source went to jail. Do you think you can hook us up with your supplier?"

Blinking at her ex-boyfriend disbelievingly, Kim didn't bother to respond. She just slowly shook her head.

Looking over towards the angry glare of Ronnie Diamond, Josh realized that he had a fresh set of problems other than finding a new source for his cool. "You're going to punch me again...aren't you?"

Taking the toothpick from his mouth, Ronnie Diamond confirmed Josh Mankey's fear. "Yeah Pal, we're headed down that road."

With that being said, Ronnie Diamond punched Josh Mankey in the mouth. Josh hit the ground before quickly scrambling to his feet and running for his car. Ronnie Diamond calmly replaced the toothpick between his lips and muttered, "There's got to be something wrong with a guy whose last name is one letter removed from monkey."

Monique regained control of Kim's intervention. "Bonnie, explain to Kim why she shouldn't use drugs."

Bonnie sighed as she pulled out 4 large cardboard signs. Pulling out the first blue cardboard card with the word 'Stupid' embossed on it in large white letters. "Not that it matters to me, but drugs make you stupid."

Flipping to her second cardboard sign, Bonnie continued in the same bored, uninterested tone. "Drugs cause tooth decay and not only will you be stupid but you'll lose all your teeth."

Kim lifted an eyebrow. "Tooth decay?"

Monique looked at Kim sternly. "Yeah tooth decay. Just like that old guy down by Ronnie's office. You know the one, that always wears the winter coats in the summer, draws pictures in the air with his finger and talks to himself. You can bet he does drugs and you can tell by looking at him that he doesn't have any teeth."

Bonnie continued, "Drugs make you crazy...or in your case crazier than usual."

"Crazy...what makes you think I'm crazy?" Kim said between clinched teeth.

Everyone stared silently at her. Taking a step back from the small mob, Kim shook her head. "I...I'm not crazy...It's...it's all of you...who are crazy...yeah, yeah, I'm just fine...I'M THE SANE ONE!"

The pleasant sounding jingle of the Kimmunicator alerted her to an incoming call. Kim held up a finger to bring about a cease to the hostilities. Clicking the receive button she saw the image of her friend Wade Load appear on the screen. _"Hey Kim"_

Never taking her eye off the mob, she whispered into the communications device. "What's the sitch, Wade?"

Ronnie Diamond ever quick to notice something new, he quickly snatched the Kimmunicator away from her. "Hey...A little colored boy in a box."

Turning the Kimmunicator over in his hands to see if there was some trick involved, he shook the device to see if Wade would tumble out or not. "How do you do that?"

Annoyed Monique quickly took the device away and handed it back to Kim. "What did I tell you about calling African American's coloreds?"

Putting an arm behind Monique's waist he drew her in close to him. Lifting an eyebrow Ronnie Diamond gazed deeply into her eyes. "You are truly beautiful in thy wrath."

Giggling, Monique swooned. "Oh Ronnie, you always know just what to say."

Kim now completely distracted from her conversation as she watched Ronnie Diamond preparing to kiss Monique quickly called out. "RON!"

"Huh"

Monique pursed her lips and bugged out her eyes at Kim as she just ruined a beautiful romantic interlude. "KIM!"

"_KIM!"_ Wade called out from the Kimmunicator.

"WADE!" Kim said in exasperation.

Rufus popped out of the pocket of Ron's trench coat and cried out. _"RUFUS!"_

Ronnie Diamond took off his fedora and scratched his head. "Well, it's a good thing we all know who each other are. I was becoming confused."

"RON!" Kim called out urgently once again.

Holding up a finger Ronnie Diamond stepped back from an obviously confused redhead. "Hang on Kid. We've already established that fact."

Wade's voice sounded from the Kimmunicator once again. _"Kim, you're high again aren't you?"_

"NO!"

"Intervention time..." Monique called out as she took a bucket of water from one of her fellow mob mates before hurling the contents at Kim.

Kim let out a shriek as she was dowsed by 2 more buckets of water. Then came the eggs. The mob began to pelt the utterly humiliated teen hero with eggs. Kim screamed again as she shielded her face from oncoming white missiles.

Monique led the attack, screaming the Middleton High School's new anti-drug message at the top of her lungs. "DRUGS ON BRAINS, DRUGS ON BRAINS, DRUGS ON BRAINS!"

Bonnie ceased hurling eggs at her high school rival long enough to say to Monique, "Hey, its brains on drugs."

Looking at Bonnie, Monique nodded her head. "Oh sorry...BRAINS ON DRUGS, BRAINS ON DRUGS!"

Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity to Kim. The eggs ceased flying in her direction. Drenched in cold water and covered in runny egg yolks, she looked up and down at herself. Turning to Ronnie Diamond she tried to speak, but no words would come.

When words did come, they weren't pretty. Kim let out a blistering stream of profanity towards the trench coat wearing teen that any sailor would be proud of. A stream of profanity so obscene, that it can not be accurately convoyed here for fear of the story loosing the 'T' rating.

Ronnie Diamond looked nervously at the now deranged redhead and nervously said. "Gee Kid...You aren't mad or anything are yah?"

Tilting her head to one side, Kim was once again rendered momentarily speechless. She now decided that actions spoke louder than words. Charging towards Ronnie Diamond, she launched her self into the air.

Ronnie Diamond turned to run, but wasn't quick enough as Kim attached herself to his back and began to rain down blows upon the young detective. Now regaining the power of speech, Kim screamed. "DIE, DIAMOND DIE..."

Watching Ronnie Diamond being beaten to a pulp, Tara covered her mouth in horror and proclaimed. "Oh wow, drugs really do make you crazy."

Wincing as Ronnie Diamond fell to the ground with Kim still landing blow after blow on him. Bonnie Rockwaller shook her head sadly. "I just wish I'd bought more than 3 dozen eggs. I can't remember when I've had this much fun."

* * *

After beating Ronnie Diamond senseless Kim ran for home totally humiliated by Middleton High School's anti-drug intervention. Slowly struggling to his feet, Ron watched his best friend disappear into the distance. Ron put his hands into his pockets, hoping against hope that he wouldn't discover the smashed corpse of his best buddy Rufus in one of them. He had gone to the ground pretty hard and was frightened for the mole rats safety.

Both pockets were empty, much to his relief. Looking around he called out weakly. "rufus...Rufus..."

"He's in the car Ronnie." Monique told him quietly.

Looking towards the car, he saw the little pink mole rat peeking out over the driver's side window. Terrified beyond belief but other than that, he was safe. Breathing a sigh of relief, Ron whispered to himself. "Glad to see you made it buddy."

Monique handed Ron his fedora. "Tough day for the Diamond?"

Ron took the hat from her and said nothing. He now became aware of something warm and sticking running down his face. He touched his hand to it and discovered it was blood. Wiping his hand on his coat, Ron looked at the silent crowd. "I...I better go see if the Kid's alright...I...I might have hurt her knuckles or somethin'."

He quickly drove to the Possible's house. Mrs. Possible gasped when she saw Ron at the door. "You better come inside."

Ronnie Diamond started to cry, "Kim beat me up and I didn't even do nothin'."

"Oh poor baby, come inside and sit down. I need to take a look at you." Ann said as she took him into the kitchen.

"I didn't throw any eggs, honest I didn't. I didn't know they were going to do that. I'd of never taken her over there if I'd known they was going to do that." Ron sobbed.

Ann Possible frowned as she examined the rumpled young detective. "Well...nothing appears to be broken."

Ronnie Diamond sniffled, "She called me a moose trucker...I don't even know what a moose trucker is."

"Kim was pretty angry when she came in here." Ann said neutrally as she tried not to take sides in the dispute.

"She should have been sore. I mean...I was just trying to help her and now I've loused everything up." Ron sobbed.

"You're heart was in the right place...but your method to warn Kim off drugs was...a little...offbeat."

"It wasn't my idea, honest Mrs. Possible." Ronnie Diamond said as he pleaded his case.

"You look like you're going to be alright Ron...How's your head feel?" Ann asked nervously.

"OK, I guess. My trench coat's got blood on it...it's ruined and...My hat's all smashed. How can I be a proper detective without my hat?" Ron sniffled as he looked over his clothes.

Ann took the rumpled fedora from Ron's hands and tried to fix it up as best she could. Handing it back to him she observed, "There, now it has character. It makes you look tough, rough and ready...a regular man of the world."

"Really?" Ronnie said, his mood clearly improving.

"Really..." Mrs. Possible said smiling at the boy.

Ronnie Diamond stood as tall and erect as he could. "Gee Mrs. Possible, you got a knack for makin' a guy feel better."

Ann chuckled, "That's why I'm the doctor. I'm going to go smooth things over with Kimmie...If that's alright with you?"

Shuffling his feet nervously, Ron looked up Mrs. Possible. "If it's all the same to you...I'd just as soon you didn't mention anything about me crying an stuff. You know...big detectives don't cry and all that."

Ann fought back a smile. "I won't say anything Ronnie...It'll be our little secret."

Rufus sprang from Ron's coat pocket. _"You big baby."_

Ronnie Diamond glared at his pink friend sternly, "RUFUS"

* * *

Kim walked into the kitchen in a bathrobe. Her hair was wrapped up in a towel like a turban. She stared angrily at the slightly disheveled boy detective and folded her arms in front of her.

Ronnie Diamond nervously took a toothpick from his pocket and placed it between his lips. "Sorry about what happened out there today, Kid. I...I didn't mean for anything like that to happen to you."

There was no reaction from Kim as she continued to glare at him.

"Uh...I...I don't blame you for being sore at me. I was a big dummy and...I...I just wanted to say I was sorry and...and stuff. Yah, yah...didn't hurt your hand or anything did yah?" Ronnie Diamond asked nervously.

Finally Kim's wall of silence was broken. "No, no you didn't hurt my hand. After all I was punching something soft and fatty...I think it was your head."

"Aha...ha...ha...Yeah, that's a good one Kid. See you're getting your sense of humor back. So now that I'm forgiven, we got some sleuthing to do." Ronnie Diamond said happily.

"I don't know if I have or will ever forgive you, Ron." Kim said calmly.

Stunned at Kim's revelation, Ronnie Diamond quickly took off his hat. Not knowing quite what to do, he finally nodded his head. "I...I understand. I'll be seeing yah, Kid."

Ron headed towards the front door of the house. Kim watched him as he walked away slowly. Finally her curiosity got the better of her. "Where are you going?"

Turning to face her, he took the toothpick from his mouth. "I...I was just going to go down to the library and check out a hunch in the newspaper morgue."

Kim nodded her head, "I'll be down in 10 minutes, wait for me."

Ronnie Diamond grinned, "I knew you couldn't..."

"I haven't forgiven you yet. I just want to see what your hunch is." Kim said sternly.

"Oh...yeah, right, right...uhhhhh...you will forgive me...right?" Ron said hopefully.

Kim said nothing as she walked up the stairs. At the top of the stairs Mrs. Possible was waiting for her daughter. "Well, how did it go?"

Grinning, Kim said in her best Bronx accent. "The pint sized gumshoe is sufficiently humbled. The boy will think twice before ever crossin' wits with Kimmie Possible."

Ann smiled, "That's my girl."

The smile slipped from Kim's face. "Course it don't mean I ain't gonna muss Monique up the next time I get a gander at her. By my reckoning...I figure...I owe her one...Capisch?"

"Capisch!" Ann Possible said happily.

* * *

Parking the candy apple red 1937 Plymouth outside the Middleton Library, Ronnie Diamond quickly hopped out of the car and raced around to the passenger's side to open the door for his passenger, Kim Possible.

Kim stepped out of the car, and turned her nose up at him. "Humpf"

Ron sighed as he watched her walk toward the entrance. "How many times do I have to say I'm sorry already?"

There was no reply so he just shook his head and followed her into the building. Once inside Ronnie Diamond walked up to one of the librarians. "Hi yah Toots, where do you keep your back issues of the Middleton Gazette?"

The Librarian looked disdainfully over her half moon glasses. "How far back are you looking…Flatfoot?"

Ronnie Diamond frowned at being called a flatfoot but said nothing. "I'm looking for papers going back to last Saturday."

The woman pointed over to a corner, "Over there on the rack with the rest of the news papers."

Running over to the rack of papers, Ronnie Diamond quickly scooped up a week worth of papers. There was a crime to be solved at the Middleton Museum of Science and Ron felt that time was running out. He was sure the answer lay somewhere in the newspapers. Some clue that was overlooked by everyone else, a clue that would not escape the attention of the famous detective Ronnie Diamond.

Kim lifted an eyebrow as he moved to a table and took a seat. Finally the suspense was becoming too much for her. She sat down across from him and whispered, "Just what are you looking for?"

Momentarily ignoring the redhead, Ronnie Diamond quickly leafed through the oldest paper. "I...I'm not sure but...I'll know it when I see it." He mumbled.

Kim sighed and pulled out her Kimmunicator, she keyed the button and waited for a familiar voice.

"_Hey Kim…you're not high…right?"_

"Wade, shush…I'm in a library…and NO, I'm not high." Kim hissed into the communications device.

"_What can I do for you?"_

Casting a glance towards Ron, who still had his nose buried in a paper, Kim made her request. "My detective friend here is looking for anything strange or out of the ordinary in the Middleton Gazette over the last week. Can you check it out for us?"

"_Sure"_ Wade said as his fingers flew across the computer keyboard. A few seconds later he shook his head. _"I got nothing."_

Ronnie Diamond sat up quickly in his seat. Something had caught his attention.

"What is it?" Kim asked anxiously.

Shaking his head, the young detective said in disgust. "This store called Kohl's…They're having a sale...but get a load of these prices…Sheeeeeeeeeesh. Doesn't look like much of a sale from where I'm sitting, Kid."

Kim rolled her eyes, "Well, obviously. I guess Wade just missed that one."

"_I did not…just didn't think it was relevant."_

"I was being sarcastic."

"_Oh…sorry...You're never usually this sarcastic, are you sure you're not…"_

"WADE!"

Ronnie Diamond looked up from his newspaper, more than a little annoyed. He put a finger to his lips. "Shhhhhhh…Kid, we're in a library. You want people to think yah ain't got good breadin' or somethin'?"

Kim sighed and shook her head. "You are never going to be forgiven at this rate."

"Here it is…" Diamond murmured.

"Here's what?" Kim asked.

"What I'm looking for." Diamond replied.

Kim frowned, "Wade says there's nothing unusual in the paper this week."

Reaching across the table, Ronnie Diamond snatched the Kimmunicator from her. Pointing at the screen, Ron said. "That's because you're not a detective. Come on Kid, let's go."

"_There's nothing there, Ron."_ Wade said once again, before Kim ended the call.

"Go…go where?" Kim asked as she sprang up and ran to keep up with Ronnie Diamond as he exited the library.

"To take you home, things could get dicey and I don't want nothin' happenin' to yah." Diamond said as he reached the car.

Kim was outraged. "Ron, you are so not taking me home."

Ronnie Diamond turned to face her. "Look…Kid, you're still sore at me and I can't say as I blame yah. But if something happened to you and you were still mad at me…Well…you're going home."

Kim crossed her arms, "I'm not mad at you. You're forgiven. I'm also sorry that I tried to twist your head off like a bottle cap and that I called you a dumb mother…"

"That's great Kid, now get in." Ron said as he slid in behind the wheel.

Growling as she got in the car, "Ron…where are we going?"

"To crack the case Kid, to crack the case."


End file.
